Showing posts with label Stephen. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Stephen. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Garbo Talks

“Gif me a visky, ginger ale on the side,
 & don' be stingy, baby.”

A production still of me working with Garbo


I am employed by a well known Portland Gourmet Food Emporium as a wine/beer/chocolate/gift buyer & manager. In this capacity I also do the hiring, training, schedules & upkeep for fifteen 19-34 year olds. I have been at this position for a decade & the kids teach me a great deal…& not so much in a good way.

I provide a daily trivia question for the customers, a free coffee drink & pastry for the first correct answer. The question is placed in a frame at the cash registers. The customers seem to think it is fun & I am trivia trippy, which causes consternation in my circle.

Saturday, early morning, I am pondering possibilities for the challenge & my little gay Puerto Rican staff member pops into the office & offers: “Mr. R, how about a question about movies like something about the silent era; how about something about Greta Garbo?”

Stephen: “None of our customers will have any idea who Greta Garbo was…”

Gay Puerto Rican: “Everyone knows Great Garbo. I love her so much & I am positive that most people find her interesting.”

Stephen: “Hmmm… I stand by my claim, in fact I feel certain that 80% of the American Public would have no idea who Garbo was.”

Gay Puerto Rican: “No! Well, a Bette Davis question then. Everyone knows Bette Davis.”

Stephen: “I am afraid you are mistaken young man. Most customers would not know who Bette Davis was. We best go with a Star Wars question.”

Gay Puerto Rican: “Oh! I love Star Wars, but do a Garbo question, please! Please?”

Stephen (sticking his head out of the office, addressing 5 young staff members): “Hey! Listen Up! Can any of you tell me who Greta Garbo is?”

Staff (looking lost): Who? What? Lady Gaga?

Stephen: Can you name a film with Bette Davis?

Staff: (looking frightened): Huh?

Barista Girl: “My mom loves her. She made watch this movie with her… Beaches?"

Stephen: (to gay Puerto Rican): “My point.”

The customer question of the day was: Greta Garbo was nominated for an Oscar for Best Actress for this 1930 film. The ad campaign for declared- “Garbo Talks!”, as it was her first talking film. Be the first to name this film & you will win a coffee drink & pastry.


We did 520 transactions that day & not one customer or staff member knew the answer... except the gay Puerto Rican. He enjoyed an Americano & a yummy pain au chocolat. I returned to the office & banged my head against the wall.

Friday, July 29, 2011

The "Vamp" & The "It Girl" Share a Birthday On July 29th

I really do understand. I know first hand, the pain & shame of a brilliant acting career cut down by sex scandals, men, drugs, drink & mental problems. My flame burned out all too soon. I was known briefly & in a select circle as the "IT GUY". I was forgotten all too soon... but you can still re-live the magic with my work on Beta, VHS, & DVDs. Sometimes the world is not ready for the heat that we sex symbols produce.  Still, I have not yet been buried at Forest Lawn Memorial Park. Indeed, I am living in impoverishment & obscurity in Portland, Oregon, in a house that is little more than a squatter's shack, with too many dogs & an unhinged, unglued & unzipped husband.

In the 1920s, Clara Bow's spirit & sex appeal defined the newly liberated woman of the flapper era. Clara Bow was Hollywood's brightest light during this time. Clara was known as the-"It Girl", & Clara Bow had "It". The people she worked with claimed that she was full of charm & wit, & a thorough professional.



Clara Bow was an actress of range & depth, but she played mostly manicurists, waitresses, & department store clerks. Her movies helped emancipate young American girls from the restrictive morals of their parents. Clara's characters were unashamed about being attracted to men. Her shop girl in It (1927) spies the boss’s son & says:"Oh Santa, gimme him!" Her characters wore their dresses short, cut off their hair, drank & smoked in public, & danced all night long. At the height of her career, she received 45,000 fan letters a week. She was the idol of working girls & the dream of blue collar guys.

The It Girl was so hot & bright, it seems inevitable that she would burn out personally & professionally. It is shocking to think that her career was over in 1933 at 26 years old, after she had made millions for her studio- Paramount, & was one of the most well known stars in the world. She was condemned by the Hollywood community for her questionable morality. Producer Budd Schulberg, in his book Moving Pictures: Memories of a Hollywood Prince"Hollywood was a cultural schizophrene: The anti-movie Old Guard with their chamber music & their religious pageants fighting a losing battle against the more dynamic culture who flaunted the bohemianism of Edna St. Vincent Millay & the socialism of Upton Sinclair. But, there was one subject on which staid old Hollywood establishment & the members of the new culture circle would agree: Clara Bow, no matter how great her popularity, was a low-life & a disgrace to the community."


Scandal ruined Clara Bow. She had a breakdown & had to recover in a sanatorium. She left films for good, & moved to Nevada with her new husband- cowboy actor Rex Bell. They had 2 sons, but Clara Bow was battling mental illness. She was a doting mother to her sons, but haunted by a weight problem & profound depression, Clara Bow was eventually confined to a psychiatric hospital & not allowed to see her children. She died of a heart attack in her small house in West L.A., on September 26, 1965, while watching a Gary Cooper movie. She was 60 years old & living in poverty & obscurity. Clara Bow is buried Forest Lawn Memorial Park.

Most of Bow's films have been lost. Of her 56 films, silent & sound, only 27 exist in their entirety or in pieces. Only 16 are available on video. The remaining films that survive are in the Library of Congress Film Archive.

____________________________________________


Theodosia Burr Goodman was was one of the most popular screen actresses of her era, & one of filmdom’s original sex symbols. She earned her the nickname "The Vamp" (short for vampire). The term "vamp" soon became a popular slang term for a sexually forward woman.




The glamorous star of the 1910s, Theda Bara is also the most inaccessible & mysterious today. Only Mary Pickford & Charlie Chaplin were more popular, but today it's nearly impossible to view her work. Of the more than 40 films she made from 1914 -1926, only 3 remain. Her image remains with film fans 80+ years after her retirement, & she is the only star responsible for a word being placed both in the dictionary. Songs were written about Theda Bara, postcards & magazines featured her face. Dangling earrings, kohled eyes, languorous looks & the catch phrase- "Kiss me, you fool!" became part of the public lexicon.


Theda Bara did not end up as a disillusioned, destitute recluse, like other sex symbols of the Silent Era. In 1921 she married successful director Charles Brabin, a marriage that lasted until her death in 1955. The Brabins were wealthy world travelers, & Theda's Bara’s talent as hostess & gourmet made their Beverly Hills home a favorite with the film community into the 1960s. Theda Bara is buried at Forest Lawn Memorial Park.


The fact that Theda Bara never spoke on screen makes her even more fascinating & mysterious. We are able to hear the voices of Mary Pickford, Lon Chaney, Charles Chaplin & Norma Talmadge, only a few stars: Theda Bara, Rudolph Valentino, Wallace Reid, Constance Talmadge are silent forever. Theda Bara remains almost invisible as well. It makes me impossibly melancholy that her legacy is crumbling away to dust.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Reincarnation

When I was just a callow youth of 16 & in the throes of my deeply demented Musical Theatre obsession, I collected the original cast albums for every musical released on vinyl. In my collection was the Broadway cast of Lerner & Lane's 1965 musical- On A Clear Day You Can See Forever. I was simply hypnotized by the delicious, dreamy, delightful score. That year, 1970, I was over-the-moon for the movie version with Barbra Streisand & Yves Montand, directed Vincente Minnelli. I held this brilliant idea that I could make quite a splash with a star turn in the role of ditsy Daisy Gamble, if the role was simply switched to a guy. Easy, there would only be a change of the name & a few pronouns, & in a year's time, I would be collecting my Tony Award.


John Cullum & Barbara Harris in the original in 1965


In the original 1965 On A Clear Day You Can See Forever, the very talented Barbara Harris* played the irrepressible Daisy Gamble, who discovers with the help of the psychiatrist Dr. Mark Bruckner that she was, in a past life, Melinda Wells, a woman who lived in 18th-century Britain. I assured myself that I could add a dimension to the role & demonstrate my considerable sing skills & comic chops. The Broadway World would be mine!

Fast forward 41 years, I am shocked, stunned, stymied to find that my Seattle acting acquaintance-Tom Hulce has the same idea & is producing a new version of the musical on Broadway this fall... without me in a role I was born to play. Yes, I am conscious of the reality of my being just a bit long in the tooth to pull this one off.

In this new production directed &re-conceived by Michael Mayer, the director of Spring Awakening & American Idiot, the story now has David Gamble, a florist’s assistant who turns to a psychiatrist to help him quit smoking so he can move in with his boyfriend, Warren. When Dr. Bruckner puts him under hypnosis, he learns that David might have been Melinda Wells, a 1940s jazz singer, with whom the doctor promptly falls in love.

Harry Connick Jr, the 3 time Tony nominated, Grammy winning musician will play Dr. Bruckner in the new Clear Day (I love the way "theatre people" shorten the names of musicals). This production features a new book by Hulce's buddy Peter Parnell & will include many songs from the original 1965 score & songs created for the 1970 film: Love With All the Trimmings & Go to Sleep, as well as numbers that Mr. Lerner & Mr. Lane composed for Stanley Donen’s musical film Royal Wedding: Ev’ry Night at 7, You’re All the World To Me, Open Your Eyes & Too Late Now.



You think Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark is expensive? When On a Clear Day You Can See Forever made its Broadway debut in 1965, it cost theatergoers a then record $11.90, the most for a Broadway ticket at that time, to see that season’s costliest production at $600,000.

our hero at 16 year old & hurrying to his audition

This gender-bending "revisal" will apparently go up with out me in the lead  role. This gives me a sad face, as I had rehearsed this role for over a year in my bedroom, when I was 16 years old.


* Footnote: Today is Barbara Harris's 76th birthday. She is retired from acting. If you are not familiar with her work, check out my favorite of her performances in Nashville. She was deservedly Oscar nominated for this, one of my favorite films. Harris on giving up show biz: "Well, if someone handed me something fantastic for 10 million dollars, I'd work again. But I haven't worked in a long time as an actor. I don't miss it. I think the only thing that drew me to acting in the first place was the group of people I was working with: Ed Asner, Paul Sills, Mike Nichols, Elaine May. & all I really wanted to do back then was rehearsal. I was in it for the process, and I really resented having to go out and do a performance for an audience, because the process stopped; it had to freeze and be the same every night. It wasn't as interesting."

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Summer Song #19... Raining In My Heart

A week of rainy days with temperatures in the low 70s in Portland, Oregon, brought back the memory of this song.



Pitter, patter what's the matter with me?
Pitter, patter rain is all that I see.

Where is my raincoat?
It's here somewhere.
Why wear a raincoat
The weather's fair.
But ever since I saw him depart
It's been raining, raining in my heart.

Where are my rubbers to ford the storm?
What good are rubbers outside its war
But ever since heaven fell apart
It's been raining, raining in my heart.

Once I saw a cottage on sunshine lane,
A fairy palace in disguise.
I don't see it now it must be rain that’s getting in my eyes.

Where’s my umbrella & where’s my guy?
I need my fella to keep me dry.
It won't help if the sunshine should start
‘cause it's raining, raining in my heart.

Haimsohn & Miller
1968

Today's Summer Song is from the musical Dames At Sea. This is a show that I was in twice & both times it was a lovely experience. I had once considered doing this song in my act, but that bitch Bernadette Peters, who originated the role of Ruby in Dames At Sea, does it in her concerts & let's face it, my talent has many appealing, charming & ingenious facets... but, Bernadette Peters I am not. In the photo below, there is our hero front right, very young & very inspired:












Wednesday, June 22, 2011

1970s

Something that I have been working on, with some small success: living in the moment with a clear head & a clean heart (or possibly in reverse). On occasion I become nostalgic for the 1970s. This photo brings the 1970s back to me, & I become heartsick for the past.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Company


“There is a time to live in New York &
a time to leave it.”



I have not yet formed an opinion about this new-ish idea of filming Theatre pieces, opera & concerts & then being charged a hefty ticket price to watch a filmed version of the live event on a movie theatre screen. But I had an ache to see last April’s 4 performances only version of Stephen Sondheim’s Company with the NY Philharmonic & starring my boo- Neil Patrick Harris.

I shelled out $18 a piece for tickets for the Husband & Lil’Jake & your host to attend one of the screenings at noon yesterday. I have a history with Company, this production boasted a tasty cast from TV, Film & Broadway, & it was Portland Gay Pride Day & I gathered gay glorification would need to include the gay creators of this landmark musical: Stephen Sondheim, George Furth, Bob Avian, & Michael Bennett.

Getting to the theatre early & finding perfect seats, our trio settled in. Lil’ Jake & I had a nice session of our favorite game- Casting. We decided on a new film version of Guys & Dolls, since the original film is so very uneven & didn’t catch the magic of this classic, & what I find to be one of the very best NYC musicals. We decided on Vin Diesel & Ann Hathaway as Sky Masterson & Sarah Brown, with Amy Adams & Jason Segel as Adelaide & Nathan Detroit, & featuring me as Nicely-Nicely. Inspired?

I noticed that the Husband had opted out of playing & was trying to tune out the 3 minute Special Events advertisement/ promo that kept looping over & overt with evil clown music as the background. It became apparent to the full house; the operator of the program didn’t know how to perform the task.  We saw on the screen, a cursor pointing to the Dish Network Menu, choosing Special Event- Company, but she/he/it was not able to get the thing started. The clown music & narration about how lucky we were to be at the theatre continued as the audience began to get surly & the Husband began to go mad.

The event got off to a jerky start, with the sound not working properly for the first 5 minutes. I felt this was portentous & we were in for a terrible afternoon. I suspected that rabid Christian Right Wing warriors tricked us with the promise of Sondheim, & with the musical theatre queers & liberals held captive in the theatre, they might gas us all or simply play that endless loop until we might kill each other.

Company turned out to actually be a dream of an experience.  What might be lost in the experience of actual live theatre was made up for in seeing the nuance of the actors’ work, & being able to understand each & every syllable of the shockingly stunning Sondheim lyrics.

I held back my consternation at the casting of TV actors: Stephen Colbert, Jon Cryer & Christina Hendricks, & had considered  the consummation of the Broadway vets: Neil Patrick Harris, who made a career for himself on Broadway between the time TV turned him out & the time it took him back;  2 time Tony nominee- Martha Plimpton, Katie Finneran, who won a Tony last year for a 7 minute role in Promises, Promises, & hunky Craig Bierko, who's done revivals of The Music Man & Guys & Dolls, & Anika Noni Rose, who nailed the very big number- Another Hundred People. & of course there was Patti LuPone who is, of course, Patti LuPone.

I would do it again if they were smart enough to offer Daniel Radcliff in How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying, Sutton Foster in Anything Goes, or Bernadette Peters in Follies (now playing at The Kennedy Center with a possible Broadway transfer).

I received the Original Broadway cast album of Company for Christmas 1970. My parents were smart that way. Company was considered a revolutionary musical, with no conventional plot, & instead is a series of vignettes with no chronological order & songs that comment on the action, instead of moving it forward. I was revolutionized by it, for certain.

I had my first important adult affair that summer. I had spent the summer in my first professional engagement as an actor doing Summer Stock in Coeur d’ Alene, Idaho. We performed 4 musicals in repertory & when all 4 shows were up & running, the rest of the summer was sunning, swimming, smoking & sexing. Ron was an older man, at 24years old, he was actually finished with university. He spent the summer teaching me, at 17 years old, how to give & receive love & pleasure from another man. The Broadway Cast Recording of Company was often our soundtrack.
Here I am being introduced to singer/actor Jack Wrangler circa 1971.

After the theatre season was over in September, I actually convinced my parents to let me fly from Spokane to San Francisco. I stayed with Ron at his perfect Russian Hill apartment. He showed me his city & introduced me to his friends, gay men in the late 20s-50s. I liked being looked up & down. I had never been with a group of gay people before. Ron treated me to a night at the theatre. We saw Company with the original cast, minus Larry Kert, who was replaced by George Chakiris. When we got back to his place, I found a way to thank him for the summer romance & the 3 day weekend in my new favorite city.

That is what I thought about on Portland’s Gay Pride Day. I remember those first carefully chosen moments when I realized I could be open & out for the first time. I discovered that there was a city full of gay people. I decided that summer that I would not be tragic. I would make a happy life. I would meet a man who loved me. I would perform in Sondheim musicals. I might figure out a way to make this gay thing work for me.


Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Post Apocalyptic Bohemian As Advocate?


This song is on constant re-play at Post Apocalyptic Bohemia. I first heard it on KINK FM

I have been involved in an inner-dialogue about what to do about Mark Twain's Huckleberry Finn. My very basic instinct is to leave the thing alone, but my position changes daily. What do we do with a piece of art or one of the greatest American novels, that repeats the N word? I know... I hear what you are thinking: "who cares what that old fag has to say." 

I don't know if I feel good about it. Sending the Email was not a knee-jerk reaction; I put some thought into it. I sat with it for a day before I dashed off the following:

 Yahoo! Mail
From: NoPoBUTCH [mailto:nopobutch@yahoo.com]
Sent: Thursday, May 26, 2011 5:46 PM
Subject: Offensive?

--- On Thu, 5/26/11, NoPoBUTCH wrote:

My Friends @ KINK FM,
 This is not an easy email for me to compose; I even waited a full day to let it sink in.

I am your dream listener. I have been with KINK FM since moving to Portland a decade ago. KINK FM is played in the automobile & at home. I have used your advertisers out of loyalty to you. My company buys ad time on KINK FM. I have posted about the station on my blog, with a hyperlink to your site.

KINK FM is the soundtrack to my life... imagine my shock when what I was listening to actually sunk in:

The little faggot with the earring & the makeup
Yeah buddy, that's his own hair
That little faggot got his own jet airplane
That little faggot he's a millionaire
I am not into political correct advocating. I have a naughty sense of humor. I am not a prude. I swear on occasion.  I am not a rube. I possess sophisticated musical tastes. I listen to & collect many genres of music. In my S section you would find Sade, Seal, Scissor Sisters, Sinatra & Sex Pistols.

I like Dire Straits & I love Sting. I owned Brothers In Arms back in the day. I have Mark Knopfler solo albums. The period when this song was a hit is one of my favorite eras. It contains one of the true iconic guitar riffs in all of rock music. But let's hang it up as a relic of the 20th century.

I am a gay man, in a 31+ relationship with a man who also listens to KINK FM. I was just loving the music on the radio, driving across Portland at noon & then I heard it: LITTLE FAGGOT. I was shaken. I had to pull the car over to settle down.

The F word is bruising to gay people, dredging up all the memories of slights, venomous insults, loathing & implied violence from the times you are called that word. It hurt to hear the chorus of Money For Nothing on a beautiful spring day, while listening to one of my favorite features: the 2 songs by the same artist at noon.

It is time to put this song to rest. The world has evolved. The F word is offensive in the way that a minstrel show is offensive, out of date, hurtful & lacking good taste. The word injures gay people. Really.

I feel quite sure I am not the only gay listener that appreciates your amazing playlist. Where else can you hear Loretta Lynn, Coldplay. Kings Of Leon, Portland’s own-The Decemberists, The Rolling Stones & Lyle Lovett in the same hour?

Please consider my request to leave Money For Nothing off future playlists.

I will continue to listen to KINK. I am on the marketing team at my company & I will probably vote to stay with you. But please, please consider cutting this song from your playlist. It would be the smart, sensitive, suitable, & nice thing to do.
http://nopoboho.blogspot.com/2009/11/blast-from-past.html

With kind regards,
Stephen Rutledge
www.nopoboho.blogspot.com



The Response:

Yahoo! Mail

Flag this messageRE: Offensive?Thursday, May 26, 2011 5:57 PM

Hi Stephen,
Thanks so much for your note. KINK does not normally play this song-it is NOT part of our regular rotation. It was featured on “Dolbeer’s Double Shot” as a song that was a big hit from “Brothers in Arms”, which went #1 that day in 1985.  I completely respect your point of view. The song is a giant hit, one which MANY stations play frequently (KGON played it 3 times this week alone). But KINK is not your regular radio station.

You are right. We are deleting it from our music system to be certain it won’t be played again. Too bad. Except for those lyrics- it’s a cool song. But those lyrics are offensive, and to edit them out would be too obvious. So we just won’t play it. Ever again.

Thank you for listening and for caring enough to be honest about your feelings.

Chris

p.s. I love your company’s food! Yum. You guys have catered many a KINK meeting, always a treat to look forward to.
-------------------------------------------------------

Now I am unhappy. I had a piece of art censored. I feel like a motherfuckingshithead. Should I email them again asking to retract my original request?

Listening to Kink FM at Post Apocalyptic Bohemia

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Announcing My New Club Mix Single- Shingles!


I have had the Bible read to me. I have read the Bible. In the summer of 1974, I read the King James Version, Genesis through Revelations, as if it was a Stephen King novel. So, when the Husband made mention of my life’s similitude to a certain tale from the Old Testament, I went back for another browse.

A photo of the first stages of Shingles

The Book of Job abridged: God has Satan over for tea & cookies, the subject of the prosperous, pious, popular Job, the goody-2-shoes son of Uz, great nephew of Abraham. Satan claims that Job’s honorable lifestyle is only security against anything bad happening to his home, progeny, BMW, house in the Hamptons, Asian rugs, art & collection of first editions. Thinking that his children might be sinners, Job makes offerings to God, just in case. Satan, looking hot in Dolce & Gabbana, explains that if God touches Job’s shit, Job will curse God.

God destroys the collections, the cars, the houses & has Job's children done in while they are all at a party. Job wails & thrashes about, but does not curse God. He shaves his head & makes a sign the reads: “God gives it & God takes it away. Will work for manna.”

Satan mentions to God: “Pass those macaroons & by the way, Job will curse your name if you do damage to that body, perfected by Job’s personal trainer, he will curse your name then, God. Mmm…these cookies are da bomb.”

God smites Job with a terrible, terrifying, tormenting rash. Job’s wife tells him that he is unhinged to not curse God. Job does not give in. His wife holds an intervention & invites Job’s buddies: Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, & Zophar the DJ. The 3 guys goad Job into stating: “I curse the day I was born!” He does not curse God.

My more advanced case of Shingles

The Husband’s point?  In the last 14 months I have endured, in rather Old Testament fashion: Deep Vein Thrombosis (blood clot) in my leg, a Gall Stone, the death of my automobile, the decline of my canine-Larry, the coldest, wettest winter & spring in Portland history, & an injured back. I recently worked 16 days in a row, including several 12+ hour shifts. I never cursed God.

On Friday afternoon, I had the sensation of an uncomfortable knob on my back at a spot that I couldn’t touch with my hand or see in the mirror. I went to the physician to receive the diagnosis. Satan had needled God into some smite on Stephen. They call this scourge- Shingles. Not to be confused with Singles, a film that I appear & am delightful in.

Full Blown Shingles

Shingles: stinging, straining, sickening, stabbing torment. I questioned: "Oh my God, how could you make something as adorable Neil Patrick Harris on the Tony Awards & I have to suffer in agony? What did I do to deserve this?" I do not curse Her.*

* Steve, who frequently makes little sense, is on heavy duty Vicodin. I have been taking good care of him, but he slipped away & wrote a blog post. He is in the bathroom now, accepting a Tony Award to the mirror.
The Husband 

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Train Tales, #4 In A Series... Oops, My Mistake!


I took it as a sign of times to come. I had just finished working 16 days in a row, including several 12+ hour days & I boarded the Max Train at Pioneer Courthouse Square, headed home to a week long vacation. The good Lord in Her generosity, had given a perfect Portland afternoon: low 80s, abundant sunshine & low humidity. I was looking forward to returning to Post Apocalyptic Bohemia for a cocktail & a chance to just be myself.

It seemed to be a sign when I was able to snag my favorite seat, even if it meant brushing aside a morbidly obese teen of indecipherable gender, who didn't seem pleased when I excused myself with: " Excuse me, Precious, coming through!" I settled in & took out my current book- True Stories, a memoir by favorite writer- Felice Picano. Then I heard that voice.

She had the timbre, pitch & octave of a white trash Fran Dresher. Except that within seconds, I deduced that she was not all that bright,  but she projected as if she had true theatre training. She was with a buddy. This what I heard as soon as the doors closed & the train started to move:

Tammy: (on her phone) "I need the number for Fred Meyer on North Lombard... no, Lombard. Fuck no, I don't know how to spell it! Just give it to me! Yeah, Lombard. Honey Pie, what is that name again?

Honey Pie: "Vaughn."

Tammy: "How do you spell that?"

Honey Pie: "Fuck, I don't know"

Tammy: " Hello? I need to refill a subscription for Lorazepam. (several seconds pass). Vaughn. No, I don't know hot the fuck to spell it! What the fuck? What do you mean no refills?!? I am in the middle of a fuckin' crisis. Do you know what I mean? I need this refill! My Grandma died & my boyfriend threatened to kill me? You ever have that happen? Fuck! It is Saturday. I can't get a hold of the fuckin' doctor! My life is falling apart, you bitch!

Honey Pie: "Tammy, you can crash with me, baby. "

Tammy: " I need the fuckin' Lorazapam. You have to give it to me! I am having a crisis! Fuck! Lorazapam! Fucker!"

Honey Pie: " Let's try Rite-Aid..."

Tammy & Honey Pie repeat the above dialogue with Rite-Aid.

Tammy: " What the fuck do I have to do to get my Lorazapam?!? I am falling apart here!"

Fellow Passenger: (near by) " What is Lorazapam?"

Tammy: " None of your fuckin' business. This is my private business, You don't need to be listening to my conversation, fucker! This is my life! Are you living my life? Mind your own business, fucker!"

It was all I can do to not say: "Tammy, it is now the business of everyone on the train, We have all heard your sad story. We can't help but to hear you!" I say nothing & keep reading.

Tammy & Honey Pie get off at the often mentioned Lombard stop. My stop- Kenton is next. Compulsive/Obsessive as always, I get up from my seat at the same point as always, just as we pass the Holy Tabernacle Church of Our Lord with it's reader board that reads- "Jesus died for the sins for Stephen the Sodomite of Kenton"

As I prepare to disembark, I stop & chat with the cute hipster couple that were seated in front of Tammy & Honey Pie. Because they had asked Tammy about it, I clued them in:

Stephen: "Lorazepam is a very efficient anti-anxiety drug. I have had a "subscription" given to me by my doctor, the Asian Doogie Howser. I am telling you kids, on Lorazepam I could be gang raped & have dental surgery at the same time  & I wouldn't care a teeny tiny bit. No wonder Tammy & Honey Pie were trying to score a bottle full."

Hipsters: "Why are you telling us this? What are you talking about? Why are you bothering us? What did we do to you?"

Stephen: " You didn't ask Tammy what Lorazepam was? You know... the very verbal crazy woman trying to get a prescription filled?

Hipsters: "What? We have no idea what you are saying. You are scaring us!"

Stephen: "Well. before I get off the train, do you have questions about any pharmaceuticals? That is why I am here. I probably have the answers. I am here for you."

I was hoping the entire past 20 minutes were not portentous of my vacation. When I arrived home, I took Junior for a walk because it was such a nice day & Junior loves an outing. I changed into my jeans & went commando (no underwear) because that is my habit; I am still a hippy at heart. I arrived home from our long doggy journey with extremely chafed inner thighs, because it was hot & I am rather "gifted", I took a shower to wash away my 16 day work-athon, Tammy, Honey Pie, the hipsters & the newly acquired rash.


I reached into the Husband's bathroom drawer & grabbed the ant-itch cream from the spot it always resides. I slathered on the ointment over my inner thigh & my balls not knowing that it was actually arthritis medicine.  I discovered my error soon enough. Within 30 seconds, I was screaming in red hot pain because of the Post Apocalyptic Bohemian Junk's predicament. I dont' recommend this treatment. I kept thinking that at one point, I was actually feeling sorry for Anthony Wiener.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

A New June Mix

June is an important month at Post Apocalyptic Bohemia, & made even more so after Portland was dealt the coolest & wettest spring since records have been kept. The garden is certainly green. Yet your host is pale & petulant & peevish. The Husband & I have lived in Seattle or Portland for 30 years, but that was not enough of enlightened edification tp prepare for Spring 2001.

When I finally reach Saturday, I will have worked 16 days in a row, sometimes 15 hour days, part of the stretch I was sick. This was all because my assistant, went off & got married, wed to a young lady that I hired & they fell in love on the job. They have me to thank for their happiness. That is what I do, I spread happiness.

Saturday I will start a week long staycation. It will begin with 2 days of temperatures in the low 80s & blue skies. I am so very ready for some Vitamin D.

June warrants several of my custom playlists that are very much in demand in my circle. I allow myself to become unnecessarily gay in June, as it is Gay Pride in Seattle & Portland & the month of the Tony Awards, a high holiday at Post Apocalyptic Bohemia. God in Her infinite generosity has aligned Gay Pride & the Tonys to be on the same day! Now that is Gay!

I celebrate Pride by not going to the parade or the Pride Festival at the waterfront. I have a deep disapproval for &a need to avoid large gatherings of people who are not usually positioned in a place they would normally never be, unless they are there to see me, which would be understandable. On Pride Day I stay home, smoke some pot & play show tunes rather loudly as I sing & dance along, a custom that dates back to 1969. I appreciate the continuity.


I offer up a just completed Custom Mix for my respite. If for any reason you find this mix to be amusing & alluring, simply email me with your snail mail address & I will send you one. That is how much I love you.



I give you Steve's At It Again Mix:



  • One For My Baby- Marlene Dietrich & Burt Bacharach

  • Boys Dont Cry- The Cure

  • When The Hangover Strikes- Squeeze

  • The Piano Has Been Drinking (Not Me)- Tom Waits

  • Drinking Again- Dinah Washington

  • Something Cool- June Christy

  • I'm A Stranger Here Myself- Patti LuPone

  • I Love Men- Eartha Kitt

  • Calgary- Bon Iver

  • Crazy In Love- Antony & The Johnsons

  • Without You- Eddie Vedder

  • Rum & Coca Cola- Julio Iglesias



  • Monday, May 23, 2011

    Eros


    I do not write often about my employment. I work because I have to. I like my job, challenging though it is. The biggest of the challenges is managing a group of 20- 30 years olds.

    A month ago I injured my back on the job. It wasn’t an error on my part; another staff member was injured attempting the same task 2 weeks earlier. Because of my incident, the procedures have been officially changed, but my, oh my, how I suffered.  A week after the event, in the very early hours, my back went into spasms & I was actually knocked to floor in agony.

    A claim was made & approved for Workman’s Comp & I have been receiving an hour massage & a Chiropractic adjustments 3 times a week for the past month. I have become so accustomed to the pleasure that it brings me. I don’t know how I will live without my visits when the benefits all dry up.

    The massage therapist is named Eros. Really. This hot Latin works me over so well. He uses his elbows & the sides of his hands & hurts me so good. On his table this afternoon, while working on the area behind my shoulder blades, Eros stated in his charming accent: “Stephen, oh Stephen… you have really improved. At first you were so tight! I could not get in there. I could not even work a few fingers in you. Now I can really get in there & work you hard. You are really opening up for me.”

    With my session was over, I wasn’t able to get up from his table. I had to stay for there 5 minutes as I visualized automobile accidents & recounted sports statistics. As I was actually able to stand up, dress & leave, Eros tossed off: “Stephen… take it easy on your back. Continue with the stretches I gave you. Next session, I think we are going to really be able to take it to a new level.”

    Saturday, May 14, 2011

    Born On This Day- May 14th... Post Apocalyptic Favorites: David Byrne & Bobby Darin

    In November of 2005, The Oregonian's Music Critic- David Stabler honestly wrote of the music that he wished to played at his funeral & why. He then implored his readers to submit 3 of their own choices. Mine was published & I could not have been more delighted because I am a publicity whore. If I can't see my image on the screen, I find some solace in seeing my name in print.

    Click if you want it bigger...

    Today marks the birthday of a pair of artists: David ByrneBobby Darin, that are very important to me. So much so that I included them both in my own list of songs for my own memorial party (there will be no funeral, please):

    Procession: Once In A Lifetime by Talking Heads
    Recessional: Beyond The Sea by Bobby Darin
    Service: Aquas de Marco- Antonio Carlos Jobim

    Runners-up & I wish to have included at the party:
    I Got You (I Feel Good) by James Brown
    God Only Knows by Brian Wilson
    If I Had A Boat by Lyle Lovett

    It is hard for me to to erase the memory of Kevin Spacey 's ghastly performance as Bobby Darin in the offensive film- Beyond The Sea from my hard drive.

    David Byrne, one of the most important musicians in my considerably long life. He looks a bit like the Husband.

    Monday, May 9, 2011

    Clap Your Hands If You Believe In Fairies



    Peter Pan has been a favorite story since early childhood & the book & one of several musical versions have played an important role in my life. The annual viewing of the 1954 musical version starring Mary Martin was something I looked forward to as a child. I was seriously mesmirised by this production.

    While there was never an incident during the flying sequences, provided by the famous Foy Family, I was dropped, with the counter weights adding to the descent, during a picture taking session between the matinee & evening performance of Peter Pan, when I played John in the late 1960s. I broke my nose during the fall, but still went on that evening. 50 years later, the break is still evident as part of the character of my rather large proboscis.


    I am a fan of the charming film-Finding Neverland, in which Johnny Depp portrayed the author- J.M.Barrie as a charming hero, devoted to large dogs & small children. He is portrayed as a quirky little man who had already been celebrated by his contemporaries as a genius with a great heart, not least for his bequest of the copyright of Peter Pan to Great Ormond Street Hospital for Children, ensuring that the golden fairy dust of his writing was liberally sprinkled over those in need.

    The character of Peter Pan first appeared in the Barrie novel The Little White Bird in 1902. Peter Pan was first presented onstage in London in December 1904. A 37 year old actress played Peter, a tradition that endured & matinee idol Gerald du Maurier, Sylvia Llewelyn Davies' brother, played Captain Hook & Mr. Darling.

    Fearing that the sophisticated opening night audience would be unresponsive, J. M. Barrie told the orchestra to put down their instruments & clap their hands at the moment where Peter turns to the audience & says, "If you believe in fairies, wave your handkerchiefs & clap your hands." As the story goes, when the actress playing Peter begged for the life of Tinkerbell, the audience response was so overwhelming the actress burst into tears.

    Arthur Llewelyn Davies, Sylvia's husband, was very much alive when J. M. Barrie entered the lives of the Llewelyn Davies family shortly after moving to London. Barrie: "There never was a simpler & happier family until the coming of Peter Pan.” Arthur Llewelyn Davies died in 1907 of cancer of the jaw. Sylvia died 3 years later of lung cancer, leaving behind 5 children. Barrie unofficially adopted the boys.


    Many rumors through the past century have suggested that J. M. Barrie had more than a fatherly interest in the Llewelyn Davies boys. But Barrie was essentially asexual, & clearly impotent. He was a lover of children, but not sexually. Still, the more than 2,000 letters between Barrie & his favorite Llewelyn Davies boy, Michael, were burned by the real life Peter in 1952.

    A writer in our age could never publish Peter Pan without inviting accusations of paedophilia. Yet Barrie, in the manner of Lewis Carroll & his nude photographs of little girls, was consciously & curiously innocent. His snapshots of the Llewelyn Davies boys frolicking naked on the beach, the cowboy & Indian adventures he made up for them were probable a means to enjoy the pleasures of fatherhood with none of the pains. In the children he discovered the ideal outlet for the frustrations which obsessed him.

    This story on the background of Peter Pan does not end happily: George, the oldest Llewelyn Davies boy, died in Flanders in 1915, one of the millions of victims of WW1.

    Michael Llewelyn Davies as Peter Pan, Photo by Barrie

    Michael, Barrie's favorite & the model for the Peter Pan statue in Kensington Gardens, drowned with his lover while at Oxford in 1921. Their deaths were believed to have been the result of a suicide pact. The bodies, when recovered, were found clinging to each other in an embrace. Although Peter Pan was an amalgam of all the Llewelyn Davies brothers, Michael is supposed to have been the closest to Barrie's vision of the boy who would never grow old.

    Peter, who hated to have his name associated with "that terrible masterpiece," became a publisher. In 1960, at the age of 63, he committed suicide by throwing himself under a train at London's Sloane Square station. His depression was drawn on his association with his namesake. Newspaper headlines read: "Peter Pan's Death Leap" & "The Boy Who Never Grew Up Is Dead."

    In Barrie's play at the end of Act III, Peter Pan says: "To die would be an awfully big adventure."

    Before his death, he gave the rights to the Peter Pan works to Great Ormond Street Hospital for orphaned children, which continues to benefit from them. J. M. Barrie died of pneumonia in 1937. He was 77.

    In the 1980s, I found an autographed copy of Peter Pan in a locked case at a used bookstore in Seattle. I couldn’t justify the $175 price tag, but I was not able shake off the feeling that it was meant to be mine. I would check on the book through the years, but when I finally & passionately decided to own it, it was gone from the case. The bookstore owner denied that it had ever been in the store.

    Before I left the world of acting, Captain Hook remained my most coveted role. I never got to play him.

    J.M. Barrie was born on this day- May 9th, in 1860.


    Saturday, May 7, 2011

    Who Am I, Anyway? Am I My Resume?



    Here it is, an early Saturday night. Even a half a decade ago, I would have been out on the town seeking attention & adoration, but this evening I am engaging in an existential cold sweat. I have been working through a crisis of identity*. I rest easier having decided:
    My Sisters Of Perpetual Indulgence Name: Sister Ida Labido
    My Drag Name: Lady Footlocker
    My Radical Faerie Name: Honey Buckett
    My Porn Name: Lucky Thurston
    My DJ Name: DJ Daddy Steve
    My Husband's Term Of Endearment: Blue Beary
    My Religious Order Name: Saint Etienne of The Little Sisters of the Dirty Diapers of the Baby Jesus
    My Canine Best of Breed Name: Larry & Junior's Hairy Daddy of NoPo
    My DaddyHunt Profile Name: groovygratefulgeezer-alliteration-stud69


    * I don't actually participate or belong to any of these organizations or groups. Like Groucho Marx & Woody Allen, I don't wish to be part of any club that would have me as a member. Instead I stay home on Saturday nights & post on the Internet under the moniker- Post Apocalyptic Bohemian.