Friday, August 31, 2007

Collaborate


My pianist and I have thought a lot lately about what is "good enough" when it comes to our performance. I have come to the conclusion that just like so many other things in life, that is likely the wrong question. As we have finished our preparations for a series of concerts over the next 2 weeks I have been reminded that the goal of perfection is not really such a healthy goal. It is more important to simply engage and immerse one's self in the experience and the events which surround us. For Charles and I that means to just BE who we are, embrace the music, and engage with our audience whoever they are. It is important for us to collaborate!

Few thoughts on our program...
Our program focuses on human vanity and our focus on the famous "unrequited love" of the romantic period. The composers and poets were dealing with much of the same emotion and energy that I mention now. They were seeking something greater than themselves. They sought fulfillment and happiness through their idolization and even infatuation of the women, places, and things.

Even the concept of war is so often interlaced with leaders' egos and overconfidence in ability. The cost is not fully counted. The goal is most often unachievable. We place too much confidence in our abilities, we seek to "achieve" and "gain" things or people or even ideas and knowledge. Perhaps we should just be still and know.


Psalm 46: 8-10 (The Message)
Attention, all! See the marvels of God! He plants flowers and trees all over the earth, Bans war from pole to pole, breaks all the weapons across his knee.
"Step out of the traffic! Take a long,loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything."


Matthew 6 (New International Version)
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]?

28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Disjointed

I have been flailing about today trying to find a "productivity groove".. Since it is already 1:00, I guess that is not likely to get much traction..

On the other hand, while doing some web browsing over lunch, I read this post and it is EXCELLENT. I encourage you to read it and think about what actions you might take to make a difference.

Biblical Illiteracy

jeff

Sunday, August 26, 2007

On Vacation!

Hey All...sorry, been on vacation the past couple days and will be until Wednesday. I'm in Oregon with my brother playing golf and bowling and enjoying the beach! Be back soon!! With Lots to tell! ;-) peace

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Random Thoughts...

...So here in Rancho Cordova, CA for some reason there is a big Russian population...cool...fine with that. I live around the corner from a park/school and the other day I was on my way to work and I stopped at the stop sign in front of the park. I looked over and there were 3 old(er) Russian women, complete with scarves and dresses and sweaters. Well two started running across the park and they were racing and laughing and the third one watched and clapped them on. So I'm sitting there watching them and the two ladies are laughing and smiling as they race each other! For real...they were OLD and I don't meant like 50 but older, like you wouldn't expect them to move that fast. Well not that they were, but it was just so...enlightening? I'm on my way to work...I'm thinking of this meeting I have to be on, I'm wondering if I paid my insurance for this month and I'm tired 'cause I tossed and turned all night. One of my credit cards lost my payment and my car is running a bit rough...all this BAGGAGE I'm carrying!! And here are these older woman racing in the park with their granddaughters watching and they are laughing and smiling...big boobs sloshing side to side...head scarves blowing in the wind. I forgot all my problems right then, and I wondered about their life. I had seen them in the neighborhood before, heard them speaking Russian walking their grandkids to the school around the corner. What have THEY been through...where did THEY come from and how was it for them to leave where THEY came from? I felt...small...no, not small but just humbled. Yes, I have a lot going on, I have baggage, I have stress and I've been through some shit myself. The questions I asked myself? When is the last time I raced someone through a park and laughed while doing it? When was the last time I expressed just pure joy, like they were doing? It was hilarious to watch but at the same time...just so...pure...pure goodness. It was Wonderful. ;-) peace

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

America's got Talent winner!

Terry Fator won! He is the ventriloquist who does impersonations. This is the first video where he won me over. It's just amazing, ok it's one thing to do ventriloquism but to do impersonations?! It's just amazing. On another note, I'm kind of proud of the American people...I am a reality TV junkie, yes I am. So you think you can dance...I so thought Neil would win because let's face it, he is hot!! Sabra won though and she should have...I also thought people would vote for Cas Haley because he's been singing for so long and he has a baby and wife. Okay, great...fine...and he is wonderful performer but I thought he was tugging at America's heartstrings, I'm so glad America voted for the true talent! Oh don't worry about Cas, he'll get a record deal 'cause he is awesome also! So without further ado...and this isn't even his best...but it was the performance that first awed me...America's new favorite act...Terry Fator!!
;-) peace

Friday, August 17, 2007

My Friday night

I'm 30 something years old, it's Friday night and this is what I'm watching! I'm a nerd, I KNOW this! lol, but I'm ok with it, hope everyone is having a good Friday night! lol ;-) peace

Insieme:Together

Last night I felt an urging to reach out and talk with old friends. A quick review of my address book revealed that I am woefully out of touch with many, many friends of only 5-6 years ago. These people were a huge part of my "foundation" which I rely so heavily on these days. Soooo, instead of turning on the TV, or reading, or even writing for my blog ;-), I made a phone call and connected. We were once again together even if only for the short hour or so.

We have so many tools in our world today, and we use them so poorly for what really matters.

How refreshing it was to reconnect, even if only for a fleeting few moments.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

IT WAS SABRA!

YES, she won So You Think You Can Dance! she was the best dancer by far! I love when things go the way I want them! Oh, wait..not about me.. :) congrats Sabra! ;-) peace

The Final Two

Sabra and Danny! They are the best dancers but I thought Neil was going to win 'cause he is hella cute, glad America voted the right way! Yes, I'm a nerd. One more post...for the WINNER!

I'm such a nerd...

...does anyone watch So You Think You Can Dance?! Tonight is the season finale and I'm like sniffling! For real...I've been watching since the beginning and the top 20 are back on and all my favorite dances are being danced again as well as my favorite performers! It's like a trip down dance memory lane!!
Yes, it's little non-important things like this that excite me and make me happy! LOL
I'm so simple... ;-) peace

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

I just wanted something pretty!

B'day was good, work is good, everything is Wonderful...let's just look at hot men ok?! Nothing political, heartfelt or socially aware...just cute hot men! ;-) peace





Should have been Clara

This little girl and her family did a great work in this recording. I know I'm a bit video crazy today, but this was great.

Darkness into light? Who Am I?

wow, this was VERY cool.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Addio

We went to the farewell celebration for Susan tonight at HRBC. She has resigned, and is looking for a new future. The event was wonderfully orchestrated, well attended and successful in every aspect. The closing number was Phillip signing "Thank you, for giving to the Lord" to the recording. Elegant, touching, authentic, beautiful in every sense. She has a wonderful spirit and the church appears to have treated her appropriately. (at least on the surface)... I know there must be more, but I don't want to know of it.

As I listened, my heart was sickened upon thinking of my own departure from Branch's Baptist Church in Richmond and how poorly that was handled. I do miss those people. I love them and to this day, I feel like I left a huge piece of me at that place.

Back to reality... Tracee thinks I may be depressed, but I am not. She thinks I get mean when I am stressed like this. Now, there may be some truth to that. The upcoming competition has me stressed and excited all at the same time. Most of the people in my current world have no idea what is involved in what Charles and I have undertaken. Even if we win, this will be so much more a personal victory and success than a public one. I still "have game". I yearn so much for recognition, and respect. So much more than for rewards or money. I reinvent myself each time I try to innovate. Somewhere deep inside myself, I have to prove to myself that I am moving up and changing and not running from my past. I look for roots, respect, and recognition, and ultimately I like rewards. I am no different than others.

For now, I am simply dealing with the reality that no matter how hard I work, it will never be enough. I have to do a better job of relying on God to set the pace and carry the load. He must be the center of my being in everything. including my music and my family...

Joshua 22:1-5 (The Message)
1 Then Joshua summoned the Reubenites, the Gadites and the half-tribe of Manasseh 2 and said to them, "You have done all that Moses the servant of the LORD commanded, and you have obeyed me in everything I commanded. 3 For a long time now—to this very day—you have not deserted your brothers but have carried out the mission the LORD your God gave you. 4 Now that the LORD your God has given your brothers rest as he promised, return to your homes in the land that Moses the servant of the LORD gave you on the other side of the Jordan. 5 But be very careful to keep the commandment and the law that Moses the servant of the LORD gave you: to love the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, to obey his commands, to hold fast to him and to serve him with all your heart and all your soul."

B'day Post....

...yes today (yesterday?) was my birthday, I had a good time. Ok, my friend Mecca came over and we went to a casino and on the way back, we passed through Drytown. For real, that was the name of the town, Drytown! Our first inclination was to speed through it! but then we saw a bar called Drytown Pub, so yeah...we stopped. It's logo? Find The Wet Spot in Drytown!! LOL for real! We found it, they were so nice there. Mecca is black, I'm native and gay...so yeah...we are definitely a mixed couple. So we walked in and there are like five people, all white...that's cool..we are open minded! :) They were so friendly though and there was a band that was playing blues, it was a good time. I think the population of Drytown is like 45! They were nice though, so we stayed for a minute and then came back to Sacramento, where we went to Happy Bar. Um that bar was Happy but only had like 7 people, 5 of them females...so neither of us liked that! So we headed out and went to another spot, called Your Place...that was cool...they had Karaoke and some cute men. Then we got bored and went to Louies, but they wanted a 10 dollar cover, um, no not for Louies! So we went to a billiard hall and that is where we ended our night! I had fun, she was hit on... I was hit on...a nice b'day actually. So good night to all, and even though I am officially old (oh hell been OLD for awhile) I had fun. ;-) peace

Buzzed

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

More Importantly....

...I love the Eyes below, and the men and I've posted...thoughts on lunch with my mom and my friend being jumped...all good (to me). Scott is back. I cower in awe. ;-) bout time the bitch is back...taking time off to "find himself" you know he took some bad peyote from them southwestern Natives and has been tripping for two months!! ;-) peace

It's All About the Eyes

Been awhile since I posted some nice eyes!! I took the day off, had a dentist appointment and then decided to go visit my parents. It was a good day. I took my mom to lunch at an Indian restaurant (no, not MY type of India)um...LOL...my mom had never tasted curry before...and she no longer eats hot foods. So uh her response "this is hot!, why am I sweating...it's like my brain is on fire!" LMAO, I love my mom. She trooped on though and she ate almost everything on her plate. Since it was a buffet I went up and got more chili chicken, butter chicken, lentil curry and lentil soup. She um, she went and got white rice, some lettuce and tomatoes and tandoori chicken with no sauce. You have to remember my mom is from the reservation and has never really tried any other type of foods. I introduced her to Won Ton soup about 6 years ago and she loves it! LOL, next weekend I'm thinking of taking her to Mongolian BBQ.
Enjoy the pics and hope everyone is having a good week. ;-) peace




Opportunity Lost

Results aren't really enough. One of my best friends, tells me that all the time. "In our world," he says "it is all about who thinks, not what they think"

The corporate line is you must always prove a little more, wait a little longer, earn someone's favor and approval. Transparency and honesty are not enough to guarantee success.

At least I still have a job. That is more than most of my friends of all these years. My company missed an opportunity to gain my trust today. My manager lost ground and gave up respect. In the end, my mgt did not get the job done.

I am trying to find the silver lining, the opportunity that God provides for me when my own hopes fall short. As I have grown, this takes more patience and study. I trust in the Lord.

Sing God a simple song. Lauda, laude Make it up, as you go along. Lauda laude. Sing like you like to sing. God loves all simple things. For God is the simplest of all.
Blessed is the man who loves the Lord. Blessed is the man who praises him. Lauda, lauda, laude and walks in his way. I will sing the Lord a new song, to bless him to praise to bless the Lord. I will sing his praises, while I live all of my days.
I will lift up my eyes to the hills from whence comes my help. I will lift up my eyes to the Lord singing lauda laude. For the Lord is my shade, is the shade upon my right hand. And the sun shall not smite me by day, nor the moon by night. Blessed is the man who loves the Lord. Blessed is the man who praises him. Lauda Lauda Laude.
Lauda, Lauda, Laude... Lauda, Lauda di da di dey All of my days!

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Promotion?

I have been in this official "Director Stretch Role" since January and I am ready to see some of the recognition and $ associated with the workload and responsibility.  I know the promotion committee met today, I know the board has to approve senior level promotions, and yet I am still anxious.  I don't know how I can do any better than I am doing.  I am not sure what exactly will happen if I don't get the promotion I feel I deserved.  I guess I'll end up lumping it and doing the right thing by supporting my family. 

I wonder if that is what everyone says everytime?

Monday, August 6, 2007

Kudos

Today is a good day to send some kudos to colleagues so I did it. Things have gone really well in the past few weeks. Teams are aligned and working together to deliver. No one has had any major meltdowns on delivery milestones and it is Summertime so people are generally in a good mood. I do find that when opportunities arise, it is important to act quickly and share the good news. When I do that, it seems to build on itself... as long as it is authentic. The kudo must be earned and then recognized.

It is so easy to focus in on words and ideas and often they turn to the negative. Perception can so easily become reality. My rule: look for the actions and the results because people NEVER do things without a reason.

I have learned over the weekend that my reasons are pretty simple. The traits which most succinctly define me are:
1. dedicated to learning and innovation for my self(personality, skills, etc.) I am and must remain a learning machine.
2. I operate through communities of people. Relationships and trust are paramount. Transparency and process help to develop and deliver that trust.

Thank you Lord.. Here is a kudo for you... I took some time and listened and realized again that you are always talking, only question is: AM I LISTENING?

Romans 7:17-25(The Message)
But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.
It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.
I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?
The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.

Sunday, August 5, 2007

Jumped!!!

So a friend of mine who is also my best friends nephew, got jumped last night. Yes, he walked his girlfriend home and was headed back to his car when he got jumped by 15 guys, who took turns jumping up and down on his head, as the girls went through his pockets and robbed him, THEN the skanks had the nerve to ask him if he had anything else on him they could take!! *shaking head*
Let me tell you this, when these no dick, saggy assed mothefuckers had to make themselves feel good to jump one kid who was doing no wrong, well that just shows the mentality of these wanna be "gangstas". Oh I heard, they all had handkerchiefs over their faces, like they gonna do something hard. Rob a bank? No. Rob a liquor store and run out with booze? No. What they fake ass, posin pussies did, was jump a sweet boy on his way to his car after he walked his girlfriend home. They broke every window in his car and caved the roof in and kicked in all the body panels. Then them trick ass fast ass bitches had to go and rob him of what little he had. I'm pissed, his aunt is pissed and it's just wrong. He has no hair on the side of his head where he was dragged and kicked into the pavement. His head is twice the size of normal and both of his eyes are swollen. He is lucky to be alive. Oh, and then...they had the nerve to put it all on video. So is this their thing? Is this what they do in their pitiful ass lives to make themselves feel powerful? hard? and the girls with them? How do they feel? Like they are a part of something? Like they have an important role 'cause their men are weak and this will make them feel loved? No...unfortunately, none of that is true. The men are weak and the girls are just punk ass bitches. These are people who are ignorant, oh hell that's to nice, they are stupid with no class and no morals. I heard how people were egging them on "kick him, hit him etc..." yeah, you wanna talk about weak? Weak people, say that shit. Weak people, can't think for themselves and weak people...did this to my friend. Oh, they strong in numbers, but let one of them, hell...two of them...try and pull this off alone, it would never happen. Hell, I wish I was there...15 or not, someone would get hurt, I guarantee you. So here's the thing, there is a reward for anybody who knows who did this...it happened in Stockton, between 2:30 and 4:00 a.m. this morning (Sunday), it happened at the library next to John Adams School on Inglewood and Ben Holt, behind the old Naughty Nicks. Come on somebody saw something. Do it for the reward, do it because it's the right thing to do, just do something. I also heard this is happening often in Stockton...let's end it now, before someone dies...as they left him to do. Oh, one more thing...for all you weak ass punk ass pussy motherfuckers who did this? It's gonna be on the news...4 channels. Scared yet? You should be, and if nothing comes of this post...if no one steps up and says nothing...for every person there. For every person who watched my friend get his head stomped on and his car kicked in, take a good look at your family, your parents, your grandparents, your friends...yourself. Because if I can't fix it, if I can't bring those who did this to justice, karma will. So when you're scared as you watch someone you love struggling for life...remember what you did and remember where you were. Fix it now, do the right thing.
p.s. yes, this is going on craigslist in stockton.

Friday, August 3, 2007

Wow, been awhile...

...since I've last blogged, my bad!! I would like to say I met the man of my dreams and have been whisked off on an European vacation, but in reality...no, just working..A LOT! Work is good and I'm looking forward to my vacation coming up in a few weeks with my brother, we're going to golf and bowl and go to Tahoe. My friend Greg found out today his liver is going, so that was a sad phone call of course. I'm thinking of moving to Denver to be closer to him, it's something I'm mulling over right now. Everything else is going well, just the same ol same ol. I have some different subjects I will blog about soon, I just have to figure out how to put it down in words. Hope everyone has a good weekend! ;-) peace
Oh, flipping through the channels (which is how I found Kyle XY among a few other faves) I found, the Two Coreys on A n E (um for some reason I can't type an ampersand, Blogger doesn't take it, weird). Ok, who remembers the Two Corey's from Lost Boys? They're my age but I was more into Jason Patric, how fine was he! With his beautiful eyes and his bad boy attitude! Oh, ok back to the Two Coreys, they were definitely cute, I always thought Haim was cute and adorable. Well in the new series...I have to say, I'm thinking Feldman is hot...maybe 'cause he's grown and a man now. I dunno, in any case NEW REALITY SHOW to add to my tv time! lol


The Two Coreys Trailer


and some hot Jason Patric

Invitation to community


I used the Luke 14 scripture in Sunday school last week when I was teaching. The focus there was to make a point that the peoples' possessions and choices can easily become a burden and keep you away from something or someone which you desire.

I went through this week with a different perspective because our friends Tara and Andy are here from Florida. Tracee and I will host the 3rd annual Big Daddy Bash this weekend. This is a party intended at merging all of our worlds. Our goal is to provide a chance for us to catch up with good friends, and meet families and friends of the kids' friends and even our neighbors. It is striking how few people respond to this sort of invitation. It is as though our worlds are almost too busy for those around us to trust.

I know it isn't fair to judge based on conditions that I have no knowledge of.. my thinking now is only of the 300+ invitees that we won't get to see tomorrow. Our context for relationship for those wonderful souls is diminished every time either of us makes a choice not to spend time together or make the telephone call. When we choose to sit and watch a TV or type in a blog rather than reaching out. Oh what a quandry we have made for ourselves with our distractions and things. Whatever happened to the idea of sitting and simply thinking or praying or just being still... "singing lauda, lauda, laude all of my days"


Luke 14
The Story of the Dinner Party
15That triggered a response from one of the guests: "How fortunate the one who gets to eat dinner in God's kingdom!" 16 -17Jesus followed up. "Yes. For there was once a man who threw a great dinner party and invited many. When it was time for dinner, he sent out his servant to the invited guests, saying, 'Come on in; the food's on the table.' 18"Then they all began to beg off, one after another making excuses. The first said, 'I bought a piece of property and need to look it over. Send my regrets.' 19"Another said, 'I just bought five teams of oxen, and I really need to check them out. Send my regrets.' 20"And yet another said, 'I just got married a_nd need to get home to my wife.' 21"The servant went back and told the master what had happened. He was outraged and told the servant, 'Quickly, get out into the city streets and alleys. Collect all who look like they need a square meal, all the misfits and homeless and wretched you can lay your hands on, and bring them here.' 22"The servant reported back, 'Master, I did what you commanded— and there's still room.' 23 -24"The master said, 'Then go to the country roads. Whoever you find, drag them in. I want my house full! Let me tell you, not one of those originally invited is going to get so much as a bite at my dinner party.'"

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

A Day

Began the day with a "big" breakfast with visiting friends. Then I sang in the truck all the way to work. Ended up singing "for myself" Simple Song and it was a great feeling. What a great way to start the day. When I got out of the truck to walk into the building, my spirit was high.

Interesting how quickly that feeling can be damaged if I had let it. Day has been insane, but I simply refuse to be dragged down.

I am in control of my perspective. Not the world.