Happy New Year!

I am so glad this year is going to be over, a lot has happened and I'm glad it's going to be over. I have had to let go of a couple friends, I have an Aunt who is not doing well with cancer and yet I am still doing well and I still look forward to the new year. I hope everyone is doing well and I wish everyone a very good New Years!!

Jesus Camp

Tracee and I watched an A&E special titled Jesus Camp last night. It is amazing how much agree with so much of the content of the "conservative fundamentalists" and yet I completely reject the methods of indoctrination which I witnessed.

Why focus on high pressure, high emotion, Sinners in the hands of an angry God, damnation model? I can easily see this hard line teaching in my own reading of the Bible, but I believe the larger focus is always on Love, and inclusion. Choice and opportunity to seek the path instead of obligation, fear and force.

I think the story line that the evangelical indoctrination is a "witch's brew" intended to take over American politics is old and tired. Government is of the people, by the people and for the people. God does not need the US government to defend him, or to do his will. He needs people dedicated to loving one another and sharing Christ's example.

Big difference between teaching and empowering individuals for ministry and the groupthink/indoctrination model I saw exemplified in this show.

I wonder if the director cut out the less volatile scenes to make a better show?
I wonder if I should take a harder line.. Am I "luke warm"?

1 Corinthians 13 (THE MESSAGE) ---- The Way of Love

¹ If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. ²If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. ^{3 -7}If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

^{8 -10}Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.¹¹When I was an infant at my mother's breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.
¹²We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!¹³But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

Fear Not

I just listened to several tracks off of a wonderful CD by friends "Steven and Robin Massie Condy". Steven sings a piece entitled "Fear Not" and I was inspired in much the same way as I imagine the shepherds were when the Angels sang at Christ's birth.

My mission field is here around me. My team is the people God has surrounded me with already: in the past, the present, and the future. If we rely on God for our direction, we can accomplish great things, in spite of the world around us.

The idea that the Lord speaks to me.. every day through people and music is awesome. My fears of having enough resources, skills, knowledge, etc.. are insignificant in the face of such love. Lord, Be thou my vision...

Fear not, for I am with you. Be not dismayed for I am your God. I will help you, I will strengthen you, and I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.

Merry Christmas!!

I hope everyone has a great Holiday! Thanks for reading my silly random thoughts, my attempts at trying to sound like I know what I'm talking about! I could care less about all that, I hope who ever reads this...just has a great Holiday!! ;-) peace

Presence, Presents...

I just got home from our Christmas Eve service at Huguenot Road Baptist Church. It has been a grueling few days, as we focused on meals, family in town and the endless search and presentation of presents. In the end, the greatest gift of all was the presence of my family around me as I sang to God in worship. I didn't sing well, at least by my standards, but my girls surrounded me and their voices were angelic. What a blessing, the presence of my friends and worshippers were to me this evening. 

As I extinguished the candle at the service's conclusion, I was reminded of Christs' presence within me, now and forever. To think, such a story... humble parents, shepherds, angels, animals, wise men... all focused on the presence of a newborn baby.  He was a present to the world, and his presence changed everything for everyone, for all time. 

It really is that simple. 

Christ is born, Christ died, Christ is risen! Alleluia

Battle at Kruger

End of year is upon us so now it's time for all the best and worrst of this and that for the year 2007. Well this video was on a "most popular" list, I have never seen it, but it's actually quite amazing!! Enjoy!

Happy Friday~!

Ok, I apologize, it has been awhile since I have blogged or at least blogged anything personal, so let me do that now. As I think I mentioned in an earlier blog that I have an auntie who has cancer and it's spread to her brain, it's terminal and we are talking months. So I have been helping out taking her to her radiation appointments and then staying with her until someone from the family comes home so she isn't alone. I will be moving in with her and my cousin end of this month. The job has picked up and I've been so busy with work, I don't fight it anymore like I used to. I used to wonder why the hell am I at Intel when I would rather do something else? I know now..because of the availability to work remotely, to work my from Aunts house when she is sleeping and I can log on and do what I need to do. My whole job is in my Intel laptop, so when it was down on Friday and Monday of this past week, it really sucked because I was lost and I couldn't work. I went into the office...but still...couldn't do anything. So I guess that is my reason for being there, because it works for what is going on in my life. I'm cool with that. Oh, you may have read awhile ago that my best friend has cancer, um turns out..he didn't you can read more here, yeah it sucks but I'm not concentrating on that now. I have to focus on other things at the moment. Other than that, I'm good... anxiety is down, no panic attacks, no anxiety attacks but still have the bad heartburn. I will try to keep up and I hope you all are well. More soon! ;-) peace

Reba Mcentire

So it's Friday and it was a rough week, so I'm just flipping thru channels and I see CMT has this Giants special and it's Reba...ok this special aired months ago but as usual, I'm behind. So I love me some Reba, I like her music and I like her TV show...so I watch it and can I say Kelly Clarkson sang her ass off!! damn. So I hear all these songs that Reba sang being sung by others and it's all good, but something is missing. I don't know what it is...but then the end of the show arrives....and this was it. Who can't relate to Fancy? Who?! We all can at some point...well some of us....for those of us from the wrong side of the tracks. Hmmm..maybe even those of us more privileged, in any case, enjoy this live performance from Reba singing Fancy! ;-) peace

Happy? become a minister

Stats don't lie.. this is an awesome post/commentary on Americans these days.
Vocation with Greatest Job Satisfaction : by Ben Witherington

I don't think I have much to add, other than happiness is driven by relationships, and security in life.. money is only a tool, and that is a long known cliche

I wonder what the factors that made the unhappy ministers, unhappy were...? Perhaps they were fired by unhappy congregations, or communities...

Happy Hump Day!

...so The Lair a queer show on Here! it's in my Netflix queue and it really is kind of bad, but with the potential to be better. The best actor in the show..? Colton Ford...who is Colton Ford? an ex gay porn star....granted...he's hot...but did you know he can sing? and sing his ass off!! Here are a couple videos, I think he could use a little tweaking and little training but come on...to take on No One by Alicia Keys and sound decent??!! That's damn good! Oh wait, back to his acting...really...he is the best actor on the show...like he's believable! I mean the other actors you're thinking "quit trying!" but with Colton, he's like a pro...not sure if he's done other stuff but he is the most convincing.
Enjoy and Happy Hump Day!



HOW FRICKING HOT IS HE IN THIS VIDEO??!

Best Pizza ever?

The pizza at Candela's pizzeria in Midlothian tonight may have been the best I have ever had. After a challenging week with everything from family strife (mother in law moving to town) to challenges at work, to dealing with a cold and a mysteriously sore shoulder... We spent the evening with friends both last night and tonight.

Good times with good people is the key to happiness!

Great idea to get into the spirit of Christmas...(as if the world needed one more)
1. pizza at Candela's - complete with the NY attitude waitress...
2. go watch the snow fall around the tree at Stony Point Fashion park at 7pm(with a lot of other kids, dogs, and families alike...)--this was really cool and beautiful
3. check out the "tacky lights" house off of Quioccasin.. very beautiful lights display
4. cap it all off with the living drive thru nativity at Huguenot Road Baptist Church. Complete with guides to the scenes and an extremely cute baby goat by the manger.. this living nativity is not to be missed...

Despite a tough week, I guess I am ready for the Christmas rush to hit full speed.

Crazy Wedding Dance!

Hey all, sorry for not posting for a bit...my auntie has cancer and while it's not a shock because she's had it for awhile and been doing great, it has spread to her brain.
So been busy with taking her to treatments, and staying with her when no one is home, I'm so glad I can work remotely!! So yeah, been a bit strenuous for sure.
So, I keep watching this video because it's awesome, it's cool and it makes me laugh and smile each time I watch it! lol, hope everyone is well!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

I hope everyone had a great holiday! I did and I ate sooooo much, and had a great day with my parents! Since I couldn't find any hot men posing next to turkeys.... *I* thought, how about hot men FROM Turkey...oh yea, that's how I roll. ;-) peace

CHUCK!!

Did anyone watch it? I got chills! Bryce is alive!!

Search Update

Ok I could have taken care of this awhile ago, but I just now did. The Google Search engine at the bottom of the page had the wrong URL in there, I fixed that. So now you can scroll down and click the radio button for my site and type in um...I dunno... Joseph Sayers and it will open a new window with all my posts of my husband to be. The thing is, if you come back to my blog and try another search, you'll have to refresh the page...so, stay at the search page that opened up and you can do more searches, like Songs of Sunday or Happy Hump Day. :-) Soooo should have fixed that awhile ago, my bad!!

Songs of Sunday

In reference to my previous post, I love this song!! Hope everyone has a great week and a Happy Thanksgiving (you know how lazy I am, just in case I don't post before then!) but I'll try! ;-) peace

Road to Christmas

Picture by my cousin Wesley Handy.  We watched Home Alone tonight as a family.  Up until now, it has not felt like October, much less Thanksgiving and Christmas. I guess the road is ahead...

My Phone, My Way wins Top 10 2007 InfoWorld Project award...

I am very excited and proud of my teams.  My Phone My Way was my major project for 2006 and 2007.  The SVP Robert Turner, mentioned in the article, gave a nice representation of the projects.  

You know us IT guys at Cap1... we are "changing the world" , one project at a time.

This was a career builder for me, I hope...

Infoworld Article

It's finally happened...

...I am so old now, that I was doing a search to download some Depeche Mode and in one of the results, was "I just can't get enough (the Gap Commercial)" *sigh*....my music is now being referenced as a commercial...for the younguns who have never heard (nor danced) to the original. When it was played at the "alternative" clubs...like One Step Beyond in San Jose, CA. Anyone ever heard of it? It was (as they say these days) The Shit. Dang, I must have been 19 when I first went there, oh I was the total alternative boy...dyed hair, black and white hounds tooth pants with a white shirt and black vest! LOL
What brought this all on was, I noticed in my Yahoo IM you can do these plug in thingys. (Ok I mean I've seen them forever but tonight actually checked them out)and so I did the Yahoo plug in for their radio station. I clicked on all stations and saw 80's alternative, normally that means depeche mode and the cure...but they actually have played some real cool stuff! I haven't heard Yaz or Thompson Twins or the Cromags or Oingo Boingo or Soft Cell or Strawberry Switch blade (and if you know who they are, we are destined to be together!). I have heard Real Life, Cocteau Twins and Dream Academy which is quite impressive. In any case, I just started listening to it, so who knows...OMG the are playing OMD now!! (and that stands for??) Have a great Friday tomorrow... ;-) peace.

Macbeth: San Francisco Opera

The evening was surreal. 40 thousand or so computer/corporate types attended a concert by Billy Joel and several other headliners here in SF. I have been here all week for Oracle Openworld and I needed to do something "special" for me, so I chose to go to the opera.

Thomas Hampson was performing the title role and while the performance in the first two acts was less than memorable from the entire cast... In the first act, he seemed to make a transition from Darth Vader to the Music Man, to some sort of drugged out hippy... This character ambiguity contributed to a clearly psychotic Macbeth, but it was difficult to follow. That said, Hampson's final aria was worth the entire evening for me. His command of the stage was inspiring and his voice seemed to finally shine with the power and color I am accustomed to hearing from this renowned performer. Raymond Aceto's booming bass was commanding and powerful as Banquo, but I was not quite able to retain the image of his fire from the early scenes...certainly not enough to carry me through the apparition scenes in the later acts when he is not "there". This was not a function of voice, but more of staging and presence. Alfredo Portilla was intriguing at moments but his strained top and stiff portrayal of the powerful Macduff, left much to be imagined. For tenors, the evening's surprise was young Noah Stewart as Malcolm. His voice was brilliant and energized in the top, and as he grows into the middle, he is sure to be a wonderful addition to the opera singer's landscape of talented artists. Kudos.

Overall, I was amazed at how the production constantly overreached and went for effect and flash over substance. Surely this was intentional, but it lost the elegance and refinement that I expect of such classic Verdi. I am far from an expert on this opera, but I lost the tyrannical evil that I envision surrounding, "Lady" and Macbeth in the arranged, cartoonish scenery. The flow of the story and the stunning lyricism of the orchestra were overshadowed by contrived situation effects in much the same as one would expect at a carnival sideshow. The connection between lust, passion and murder was seriously cheapened by the singers' positioning and jerky, angular movements.

I ask myself, in my pursuit of something "special" for my last evening in SF... did I overreach in attending the opera. Are my expectations too high, my views too harsh and critical?
Might I have had just as profound a musical experience in the presence of Billy Joel and Lenny Kravitz ?

That is a question to be answered another day.

Click here for the SF Chronicle review

Happy Hump Day!

Ok, I've Humped him before (ok not REALLY) but ya know what I mean. He is William Levy and yes he's somewhere in my archives and I think of him as a walking sin, because it really is a sin to be this beautiful! Enjoy! ;-) peace

But how do they taste?

Weird News Wednesday.

By Mica Rosenberg Wed Nov 14, 3:27 PM ET

GUATEMALA CITY (Reuters) - A tropical fish that lives in mangrove swamps across the Americas can survive out of water for months at a time, similar to how animals adapted to land millions of years ago, a new study shows.
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The Mangrove Rivulus, a type of small tropical killifish, seeks refuge in shallow pools of water in crab burrows, coconut shells or even old beer cans in the tropical mangrove swamps of Belize, the United States and Brazil.

When their habitat dries up, they live on the land in logs, said Scott Taylor, a researcher at the Brevard County Environmentally Endangered Lands Program in central Florida.

The fish, whose scientific name is Rivulus marmoratus, can grow as large as three inches. They group together in logs hollowed out by insects and breathe air through their skin instead of their gills until they can find water again.

The scientific breakthrough came after a trip to Belize.

"We kicked over a log and the fish just came tumbling out," Taylor told Reuters in neighboring Guatemala by telephone. He said he will publish his study on the fish in The American Naturalist journal early next year.

In lab tests, Taylor said he found the fish can survive for up to 66 days out of water without eating, and their metabolism keeps functioning.

CLUE TO EVOLUTION

Some other fish can survive briefly out of water. The walking catfish found in Southeast Asia can wriggle over land for hours at a time, while lungfish found in Australia, Africa and South America can survive out of water, but only in a dormant state.

No other known fish can be out of water as long as the Mangrove Rivulus and remain active, according to Patricia Wright, a biologist at Canada's University of Guelph.

"They can survive for weeks without really dropping their metabolic rate. They remain relatively responsive and active for weeks in air," she said.

The fish may hold clues to how animals evolved over time.

"These animals live in an environment that is similar to conditions that existed millions of year ago, when animals began making the transition from water onto land," she added.

Surviving on land is not the only unusual behavior exhibited by the fish. They have both testes and ovaries and essentially clone themselves by laying their own, already fertilized eggs.

"This is probably the coolest fish around, not only do they have a very bizarre sex life, but they really don't meet standard behavioral criteria for fishes," said Taylor in a summary of his paper.

Chuck/Heroes

Ok so Chuck is getting better each week, I think. It's wacky but it's good. Heroes on the on the other hand, it kind of going the way of Lost second season (yes I know I watch to much TV!). It's to much reading now with the Hiro going back in time and the lady with the black tears!! Although I am wondering exactly what happens, well besides people dying. I'm watching Heroes now and it's giving me the chills!
Ok enough to that, is anybody else using Windows Vista? I'm wondering if it slows down anybody else's machine? I just got a new Vaio and it has Vista on it and it doesn't seem as fast as it should be? In any case, I'm having fun playing with my new toy and figuring things out. Hope everyone has a great week and I will blog very soon, 'cause I've had some random thoughts that keep coming up. :-) peace

Happy Hump Day!

Ok, so it's been a minute but I got a new laptop and I've been playing with it and Windows Vista. Also my brother was down this past weekend, so it's been all about Golf and Bowling. Oh and not to mention, I'm on season 4 of Charmed! So yeah been busy, ok not like "helping the world" busy...but busy in my own way. :-) So, on that note...can we just breathe and take a look at Hotness on this humpday!!? ;-) peace

Proactive

How do you deal with emotional issues/problems.. particularly with other people? Is there a framework for this sort of problem solving. I believe that we have to be proactive and avoid issues, rather than just react and problem solve. Framework is the same no matter when we engage...

I don't claim to be wise on the subject, but I have had some limited success.. like most of us. I haven't had any training on counseling or problem resolution either so I'd be interested to hear other thoughts. Any approach to these steps has to first evaluate the issue and relationship itself.. is there a hierarchy? are the parties truly equal ever?

#1 rule: Absolute HONESTY and timing are critical. Waiting to have a difficult discussion is rarely a good idea, unless there is an objective reason for "cooling off". In my experience, time just increases the pain for serious issues.
2. DIALOGUE is key along with respect. Appreciate the other persons' perspective and give them a chance to react and respond.
3. Look to the FUTURE. Search for objective solutions.. tangible things that each of you can do to improve.
4. FORGIVE! Extracting your "pound of flesh" doesn't actually help.
5. APOLOGIZE! Fault is almost always a two way street! Accept it and move on..

If you can't do these things, then there is little hope for resolution. The decision to not reconcile is actually the decision to terminate the relationship. Grow up and accept that there are consequences to EVERY DECISION. Respect other's choices right along with yours...

This applies to churches, workplace and team dynamics, marriages, musical ensembles and performance decisions, and even driving. If we choose to be proactive in our approach and communications/actions, then the little issues can be dealt with before they grow out of control. In conjunction with that idea.. if the fire is truly out of control, sometimes you need to evacuate and get help. Either way, perspective and awareness are key to making a proactive decision.

Objective Subjectivity

How and where is the standard defined for musical excellence? As I practice and strive to be honest to a history and lineage of artists who have preceded me, I am struck by the need to be unique and special in my performances. I have spent my life in search of an objective standard for perfection, but strangely that objective standard is shallow. Even when I have achieved something special on those rare occasions, the exhilaration was fleeting. The lasting permanence is achieved via the race, not the prize. I was refined by the pursuit, not the procurement of something.

As a classical artist, I feel an obligation to share my experiences "making" music with my community. not just the performances. I am only just now learning to do that. I will always be "learning"

A few things I have learned. These are must haves for me...
1. I have standards for performance that are sometimes reasonable and sometimes not.
2. Cooperation with my fellow musicians is important.
3. Those musicians with which I associate must have intentions to reach something greater than themselves. Our journey together must be intentionally growing and loving, never filled with or centered on complacency.
4. I need a well formed plan and system with which to reach out and innovate. I have little tolerance for a lack of discipline.
5. I expect others to respect my time and ability as I respect theirs. I don't ask more than I offer and I expect those around me to carry their own weight.
6. Friends and colleagues who can't or won't embrace the passionate and disciplined approach to a higher standard have a hard time with me, and I with them. Those relationships may not last.
7. I exist filled with a naive confidence that is my greatest strength and weakness concurrently. I believe that if I can maintain pure intentions, and seek God's will for my life, I and my family will prosper in happiness and fulfillment. My musical instincts are gifts from God to be used accordingly.
8. I love making music with others. The pursuit of perfections towards an objective standard is a false goal. The prize is hollow if/when achieved.
9. I remain a deconstructionist at heart. I truly believe there must be a better way than has been found before. It is worth seeking and innovating. The consequence to this direction is the acceptance that many around me may never understand my approach or desire. I have as an enemy all those who have done well under the system before and those who are not assured of success under any future order. (Machiavelli)
10. I take myself and my thinking too seriously. Ultimately, the answer is simple.
Pray without ceasing and Praise the Lord! All the other questions are probably a waste of time.

Inspire or Indict

For the past few weeks I have been traveling, had obligations, a myriad of things.. all of which have made participating in the "normal" church choir experience a challenge(honestly impossible). Had an interesting experience this morning when I chose to sit with my kids in worship rather than join the choir in the loft. Several choir members actually gave me an overt scowl. Was their concern about inspiring me to return, accepting of my schedule-trusting my personal intentions, or indicting... the group's direction takes precedent over my personal direction. I had the distinct impression that I was thoroughly indicted for choosing family over an "obligation" to the choir. I haven't been in rehearsal for almost a month, I had never even seen the anthem, yet there is some sort of expectation that cannot be quantified or even qualified. What is up with that? My reaction is that I was ashamed for the indicters.. It made me not want to return.. In other words, my reaction was exactly the opposite of the one I expect was intended by the choir members. They want me back.. I was actually moved to leave not join... The metaphor for a church reaching out to its world is inescapable in my mind.

We so often have those expectations of people around us. I am as guilty as others. I wonder if this is how non church going folks feel about all of us who worship on Sunday mornings together. Is this tendancy to indict a free thinker, non comformist what keeps us from actually inspiring others to join us in worship. Does it keep us from benefitting from innovation and diversity in the church? I think so.

My stream of consciousness thought for now...
Just finished reading a book this week.. "The Wisdom of Crowds" by James Surowiecki. For groups to be able to actually work effectively towards an outcome.. (in a manner which defies traditional thinking) members of the group must be diverse, they must have independant accountability, and they should have some way of aggregating their individual responses and contribution so that the result can be "averaged" This is extremely interesting.. Basically, the two components of each offering include information and error.. When the diverse group aggregates its view.. the information is increased and the "errors" actually cancel out.. The result is a near perfect analysis and decision, particularly when this method is applied to a cognitive problem with a distinct answer.

What if the problem posed to a group is.. How do we inspire others to want to join?
Should we listen to a few "old guard/subject matter experts" or should we think outside the box and look for the answers. The only think I can be sure of is that the way I have seen it done for the last 20 years or so, does NOT work. Judging and indicting may be an instinctive response, but it creates animosity, not the emotion filled warmth and feeling of inclusion.

Personal accountability is important in relationship to God. It is not appropriate to extend that same measuring stick to judging others within the church, just because...that is how it has always been done.

My First Time...

...at watching a TV episode on line on a laptop!! You pervs!! :-D So I missed Ugly Betty tonight and I know they show the episodes online after the show...soooo...I thought...well, beats waiting for the DVD. Ok, I ordered a laptop earlier this week and hope to get it tomorrow, my work laptop has what I think is a 12 or 13 inch scree and it's not HD or anything like that. I didn't want to wait until tomorrow though so I just gave it a try. Hmm..if you're lying in bed, in the dark, on your back and have the laptop on your your stuffed bulldog pillow on your stomach....it's really not that bad. Especially with headphones, it's like surround sound!!
I'll keep ya updated. :)


Hmmm....commercials...guess we can't escape them even in cyber world eh? Liking this episode though! Feels weird to laugh in the dark...alone. *shiver*
Ok, ad is over.


Gio is kinda short.
Poor Henry and Betty, they can't have a real date!! Ewww, it is not almost 1:3O a.m.! 20 more minutes left.

LMAO, "you're about to hear a cough, that's me saying hello" from Betty "you're about to hear a sneeze, that's me, saying hello" from Henry. Then Gio says to Betty, "you're about to hear a gagging, that's me, gagging" LOL I almost woke my roomie up I think. I know this makes no sense to those who don't watch Ugly Betty, but hey...that's why it's my Wonderful World. :)

There are just as many commercials in the webstreaming then the TV version!

LMAO!! the gay son "you didn't last 'cause you got a big mouht" LOL

Great episode! My Tv Episode Via the Internet cherry has been popped! And you all thought it would be Heroes! Except I NEVER miss that show. Off to bed now...so my brother is down this weekend, so it's all about golfing! Hope everyone has a good weekend!
;-) peace

I am a simple man...

...really, I know this. I like to think I'm educated and smart and hip and all that, but no...I'm not. I was walking back from FM7 today (Intel FM7=Building 7 in Folsom)that is where the cafeteria is located. So I'm walking back to my building and I get close to FM1 where I swipe my badge and I was thinking of Charmed and how I watched 13 episodes this past weekend!! I am so hooked! So as I swipe my badge to get into FM1 (building 1 in Folsom) I'm thinking why? Why do I like it so much?? Ok hot chicks and the pretty lights! When the blue orbs of fury leave the demons hands or the little bubble spray when Leo orbs, I love it!! I am simple!! I am attracted to shiny bright things! That is a horrible revelation about ones self! That is the same reason I saw Fantastic 4, Transformers, Eragon etc....special effects and the lights and magic!!
I mean I'm ok with it, but if I meet people and they ask "so what are you in to?" how do I say, um...kind of like a Miss America contestant...shiny pretty things!!? I mean, yes sure, I can talk about other things...but if that's my main obsession right now? that is soo not attractive. Then again, I am who I am...wear a shiny necklace and you soooo have my attention! ;-) Hope everyone has a great Halloween!!

Assets

Relationships are assets. Skills are assets. Things are assets.

If we use things to secure and build relationships, then there is something about the process that is raised to a different level. I live in a world with so many things that it is difficult to keep my eye on the prize. At the end of the contest, we are judged by how we have loved and made a difference helping others... not by how much stuff we have.

As I write this I am amazed at how I don't even listen to my own writing. It is like there is some program running in my brain to isolate me from words like that. I have been so conditioned to hear the words, and nod my head, that I lose track of the actions which generate value.

In my corporate world, I make decisions to keep what works and discard what doesn't. I understand better than most the volatility of an organization which prides itself on its ability to change. It can create instability but it is also a huge asset. The company can adjust.

I look around at churches, schools, clubs, and even families who can't adjust to the world as it changes around them. Ideas such as gay marriage, universal healthcare, and religion tear us apart.

How about we all start using our assets to build relationships. Seriously.. What if every family devoted a specified percentage of time and money to doing things for people around them. What if our first reaction when we enter a disagreement was to just "give up"... In all likelihood it isn't worth the fight.
How can we track the "value" of these sorts of investments. We try new people, places and things.. if they don't work, we move on. no harm done... To do this, we have to be willing to get out of our comfort zone and seek something greater than ourselves. We have to rely on a joining context that surpasses all that we can do..

God is there and waiting to help us with this. If we just ask, the way materializes. No guarantee that we like it, but then again, we don't have to be the captain of the ship, we have to get on board and play our part as part of the crew. We become the asset that can then be used to accomplish work as God invests in us and through us in HIS world.

Elite?

Classical music is only for the elite. agree/disagree

I wish I could understand why this statement has evolved to be so true in today's society. I don't think it has to remain a constant. If WE(the world) learn to do things we appreciate them and get excited. If I apply the analogy to sports, I think of x-games, bowling, curling, and yes... baseball. The world series is ongoing now.. those players are "elite"... yet there are outstanding ball players in every community. The feeder "ecosystem" is the critical piece missing in the classical music world.

You don't have to play in the major league to enjoy baseball. You don't have to play at Carnegie Hall to enjoy the beauty and artistry of classical music. You don't have to skate in the olympics to enjoy ice-skating. You don't have to have painting in the Met to enjoy art.

Enjoying something can make your life better. Every day needs a smile. Everyone needs something to aspire too... Elite Artists and Athletes alike have an obligation to society to share their talents.. "Genie Oblige" They are not obligated to be elitist, and the line defining elite doesn't have to be so high... We all have something to offer those around us.. if we are willing to try....

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action. And because there is only one you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium…the world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, or how valuable, or how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open."
Martha Graham, creator of modern dance

Dear Prudence...

...a random thought here. I remember when this song was the shit, well with people who "were mod" I moved to New Mexico to go to school, I was 19...I was so afraid and felt so alone and so did not fit in. It was an all Indian School, but they were from the rez and had like 8th grade education, I graduated high school. I felt so out of place, I had a dorm room with 4 beds and I had two room mates, they were never there...one night I missed Cali so bad, I missed my friends, I missed my life. I had this on tape and I had walkman "lol dating myself here" and I put this "tape" in and I remember dancing my ass off to this song! I cried and I laughed...it was my alone time...and yeah, I felt so alone. Just me and this song, I will never forget it.

Hard Core

We have a lot of nicknames and titles these days.
Hard Core, Type A, Passionate, Get it done
On the opposite side, is
Compassionate, High emotional quotient(EQ), considerate, caring.

I recognize and agree that approaches and process are important and I am a posterchild for relationships as the keys to successful delivery. I know that people are required to accomplish much of anything, and that the cold, hard, metrics and objectives are not really the end goal. Ultimately, my take is that not all people really care so much about their committments. For them, it is okay to just not get it done, or not hit their target... "they didn't really agree with that in the first place" is a common response.

As a senior manager, my response is almost always, "why the heck didn't you say something before we committed resources and time based on something you didn't think would get done."
I place great value in the people that I trust, and the ones that consistently miss their mark, become less and less valued over time on all fronts.

The "correct" statement is that we need to find a way to develop them, and move them ahead. I think it takes courage to tell another priceless human being that they are not getting the job done. I care that they have failed. There are consequences for decisions at every age, but I cannot make their decisions for them. I am willing to let you know that you disappointed me, and I expect you to do me the same courtesy. If I don't accept and embrace my failures right alongside my successes, I cannot grow and improve. I don't think this makes me "hard core".

Free will and democracy have this soft underbelly to them. We are only as strong as our committments, our honor, our friends, and our faith.

God moves in his world through concurrent diversity, everyone working at their own job, in their personal role, but achieving a "master plan".

The outcome is not known, the approach matters. Coddling one another is not okay. Judging one another is not okay. What a mess, I am sure glad that I don't have to figure all of this out.

Jeremiah 18 1-10 (The Message)
God told Jeremiah, "Up on your feet! Go to the potter's house. When you get there, I'll tell you what I have to say." ^{3 -4}So I went to the potter's house, and sure enough, the potter was there, working away at his wheel. Whenever the pot the potter was working on turned out badly, as sometimes happens when you are working with clay, the potter would simply start over and use the same clay to make another pot. Then God's Message came to me: "Can't I do just as this potter does, people of Israel?" God's Decree! "Watch this potter. In the same way that this potter works his clay, I work on you, people of Israel. At any moment I may decide to pull up a people or a country by the roots and get rid of them. But if they repent of their wicked lives, I will think twice and start over with them. At another time I might decide to plant a people or country, but if they don't cooperate and won't listen to me, I will think again and give up on the plans I had for them.

Psalm 2 (The Message)
Why the big noise, nations? Why the mean plots, peoples?
Earth-leaders push for position, Demagogues and delegates meet for summit talks,
The God-deniers, the Messiah-defiers:
"Let's get free of God! Cast loose from Messiah!"
Heaven-throned God breaks out laughing. At first he's amused at their presumption;
Then he gets good and angry. Furiously, he shuts them up:
"Don't you know there's a King in Zion? A coronation banquet
Is spread for him on the holy summit."

Let me tell you what God said next.
He said, "You're my son, And today is your birthday.
What do you want? Name it: Nations as a present? continents as a prize?
You can command them all to dance for you, Or throw them out with tomorrow's trash."

So, rebel-kings, use your heads;
Upstart-judges, learn your lesson: Worship God in adoring embrace,
Celebrate in trembling awe. Kiss Messiah! Your very lives are in danger, you know;
His anger is about to explode, But if you make a run for God—you won't regret it!

I just realized...

...I could never be a Vampire. I enjoy the sun to much! Was thinking about 30 Days of Night today (which I saw, gory!) and I was thinking of the Anne Rice books. I'm not sure I would want to outlive my family but I would like to fly all over the world whenever I wanted. I like the vampires in the Anne Rice books...they're so romantic and so powerful! I would miss the sun though, sometimes when I just feel down or don't feel well...I go and sit in the sun. It calms me and just makes me feel better. It's also nice to lay out with others. *grin* Happy Hump Day!

Gimme More...

...HILARIOUS!! How is everyone happy WW (Work Week)43! Yes, Intel has their own weeks and we are on WW43, I have been assimilated! Life is good, work is busy and I have some random thoughts to share. Although, before I could post those...someone sent me a video and through that video...I found this! LMAO! I guess this is a drag queen out of LA...this is great. You'll never think of Brit the same again (like one can), oh and Chris Crocker can SUCK IT! Britney Spears sucks, but not me...don't want my junk falling off! ;-) peace
p.s. Joce, this for you sweetie... :)

Clarity

Earlier this week, I had a lot of thoughts which ended up in a feeling of concern over a "lack of clarity" with my direction. This is a running struggle for me. I feel like I should be able to to control my choices and with them my future. I would stipulate that my success at work is all about managing risks, understanding options, and making good choices. I depend heavily on people around me in that entire process, but ultimately, I understand that the choice and the accountability is mine. I am a leader. I can't say exactly how I got here, how I developed the skills that enable me to inspire and "lead" other adults. I am not better than them, but I do have some gifts from God which help out a lot. I didn't really earn these, and I may not deserve them, but that is just how it is.

I am filled with a spirit of encouragement(to a fault), the clarity of thought to understand when decisions have to be made, and the courage to make them. My desire is to lead by example bring those around me with me. I'll do all I can, but ultimately I will move on and take accountability first for my family. All others are secondary.

I do not always know where I am going, despite my confidence(faith). I trust in God. Joshua, and my girls(including Tracee) are what I am about. I do have to remind myself every once in a while that they are not mine. They are God's children, and I am just here to prepare them for their own "leadership" experiences to come.

Tracee is the glue that makes the Prillaman engine work and stick... I may try to set the direction as the driver or crew chief, but she is the gas, the oil, the engine, and the wheels and tires. As I watch the M'ville race this afternoon I am thinking a lot. Driving is about hitting the marks, but it is nothing without "the team". I am the leader of my family, but I cannot do all of the roles. I am utterly dependent on Tracee and the kids at home and my team members at work.

As a leader, I am focused on where we need to go... it is humorous that the clarity I am looking for may not actually exist. As Randy said this morning at Monument Hts... Even Abraham didn't really know where he was going. The directions were not clear. He listened, prayed, and DID WHAT HE WAS TOLD.

Genesis 12:1-5
¹ The LORD had said to Abram, "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you. ² "I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. ³ I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you." ⁴ So Abram left, as the LORD had told him; and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he set out from Haran. ⁵ He took his wife Sarai, his nephew Lot, all the possessions they had accumulated and the people they had acquired in Haran, and they set out for the land of Canaan, and they arrived there.

Family Guy, Mortal Kombat...

...This is HEllA funny! I'm kinda on a family guy kick at the moment...
Family Guy Mortal Kombat

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Entitled

It is strange how different the world can be from one day to the next. I wonder if it is a blessing or a curse that I begin each day feeling almost "entitled" to a success. on my terms..in my time..my way. The blessings that I have are so often taken for granted. I don't think I am a selfish or self-centered person. I work hard and I play hard. I use my talents and abilities to help those around me whenever I can. I care about people and I want to help, to fix things and "make it better". I feel that I am entitled to that opportunity. As a part of my maturing process in the last few years, I have come to understand, that I am not entitled to help someone else. Often I have to earn the right to even be a part of their life, and I expect the same of others.

Relationships that are ordained seems to be shallow and unfulfilling. The important ones are the ones where we earn each other's trust. The question of how and why we choose to do that is a whole other subject.

Family Guy...

...PB AND J!! I love this, thanks Joce for showing it to me!

Watch This

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I rarely, no, wait never..

...post anything first or controversial, but this...I haven't seen, www.godtube.com and I have to say. I'm scurred, I saw this video and I was like WTF? First of all Kendall I'm sorry, no offense or anything but just needed to say what I had to say on this. First of all, "you can choose life or you can choose death?" um, I choose life...oooooh but if I don't choose Jesus, then I'm dead k, got it. They gonna talk about how "Mohamed can't set you free, Buddha can't set you free, but only Jesus can" ok come on now...isn't that a BIT opportunistic? I mean talk about recruiting! Then they are going to say the Devil is going to Hell, um isn't he the landlord? In my culture there is no devil or hell, then they say "but the Devil doesn't care if you're Buddhist or a Jehovah Witness, he just doesn't want you to be a born again Christian". So um, all you Buddhist and Jehova's...you cool...you going to Heaven, he don't want your souls. Then they say "we are living for God" no, no I'm not...God guides me (or whatever higher power you have) but He guides me and my life is free will, my life is mine given to me by my higher power. Then they do say "you're sins can be as white as snow"...ok, they come in colors? I hope mine are a rainbow. Anyways watch the video, express yourself...I honestly believe modern religion will fold upon it's self and collapse. Just like the Druids, most of the Wiccans and other religions that didn't have a PR rep did. I think there are more vids from these two, but really, I heard all I needed. ;-) peace (oh and when I say peace, I mean it, no strings attached).



..oh, and I would so DO the guy in the hat. :-D

Boston Legal

Ok, so I'm getting ready to put on a DVD 'cause they are backing up because of my addiction to TV, so before I put it in...I see Boston Legal on. I see Candice Bergen on the screen and I love her! So I watch and now, I just watched the whole damn show!! I am never going to get these DVD's, but I liked Boston Legal, it was smart, sexy and funny. Tonight's episode dealt with a soldier who did 30 years in the military and then came out (it was MEANT for me to become a Boston Legal fan) and Candice (or her character actually) just gave the best monologue about living in America and how we are supposed to be this Democratic superpower but of all the countries involved with NATO just us and Turkey discriminate gays in the military. It was really good. So now *sigh* I have another show I must watch. LOL I am so lazy...hope everyone is having a good week! ;-) peace

back, forward, back, forward

Tracee and I are celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary this week. Quite a milestone..I think.
I am hung up on where I have been, and where I am going...

MY THOUGHTS:
" There's a light at each end of this tunnel, You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to... And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud And I know that you'll use them, however you want to...

SOCIETY & CULTURE SAYS:
"But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable, And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table. No one can find the rewind button now."

GOD SAYS:
"Sing it if you understand. and breathe, just breathe oh, breathe, just breathe"
From... ANNA NALICK: BREATHE(2AM)


I have been lecturing to Bel Canto for the last two weeks: "the breath is the power plant... If you can control the breathing, you can do great things..."


I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phillipians 4:13

Psalm 46:
A Song of the Sons of Korah

1-3 God is a safe place to hide, ready to help when we need him.
We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom,
courageous in seastorm and earthquake,
Before the rush and roar of oceans,
the tremors that shift mountains.
Jacob-wrestling God fights for us,
God-of-Angel-Armies protects us.
4-6 River fountains splash joy, cooling God's city,
this sacred haunt of the Most High.
God lives here, the streets are safe,
God at your service from crack of dawn.
Godless nations rant and rave, kings and kingdoms threaten,
but Earth does anything he says.
7 Jacob-wrestling God fights for us,
God-of-Angel-Armies protects us.
8-10 Attention, all! See the marvels of God!
He plants flowers and trees all over the earth,
Bans war from pole to pole,
breaks all the weapons across his knee.
"Step out of the traffic! Take a long,
loving look at me, your High God,
above politics, above everything."
11 Jacob-wrestling God fights for us,
God-of-Angel-Armies protects us.

It's All About the Eyes...

...been awhile since I posted some pretty eyes. Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!!

Small Town Gay Bar...

...I just saw this documentary tonight. It was really really good! Kevin Smith produced it. It was sad, it was funny it makes me happy I live in Cali. It's about two small gay bars in rural Mississippi. Like really small towns! If you watch it, the gays there are so happy to have some place to go, it's like mecca for them. Um, I got like 10 places to go right now if I wanted to kick it with gay people. It kind of took me back to my teens when I was coming out, that feeling of acceptance. Only these people were not teens. Amazing how there are still gays out there who are not out to their friends and parents. That really sounded lame, but I've been in Cali since I was 13, when I came out. If you can, watch it...it's on Netflix. ;-) peace

Wagon Wheel...

Ok think of a wagon wheel...there is the center, that's me...and then the spokes..that's all my friends. Ok, I know a lot of people but they don't know each other, they may know OF each other but I don't have a group of friends. So tonight I was so upset, I posted this IM to friend (one of many) ok, I'm not mad. I'm not mad because my roomie got Kings tickets 4th row for tonights game from her GM at work. I'm not mad that she is a "on the bandwagon" fan. I'm not mad that her boyfriend doesn't even like Basketball and once said the Kings were a sissy team. SO I'M NOT MAD THAT SHE GOT THOSE TICKETS AND TOOK HIS SCRAGGLY MARRIED ASS TO THE GAME INSTEAD OF ME! I'm not mad, and I'm not going to say anything. Then she has the nerve to say to him "oh the gay is jealous"

Ok, after all that...she left me a B'day card in August before she left to London and it basically said, we will celebrate when I get back! Ok, cool...um...tonight would have been a GREAT b'day present! But she has a boyfriend now (who is not even a Kings fan) but girls are stupid. That's what I have to remember, um..yeah...that's what I have to remember. ;-) peace

Bionic Woman!

Does anyone else watch it? I think it gets better each week, although I think the blonde is a scene stealer and it's more about her. Which is cool 'cause ya know it get boring when it's just about ONE person all the time. Ok, time for Dirty Sexy Money! Lawd, I need a life... ;-) peace

Happy Columbus Day...NOT!!

LOL, I love this...maybe it's 'cause I'm Native American? Naw...he's still funny!!

Happy Columbus Day

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Songs of Sunday

Ok, I know it's past Sunday (technically) but this is the first time I got a chance to blog. Ok so the first song is Silverchair's "Straight Lines" I love this song. The lead singer is hella hot! Look at those eyes! Ok now the second song is also Silverchair...um does he look different? Like he got some work did?? Anyways, hope everyone has a great week! ;-) peace



Ok now does he look the same?? Or is he just younger? but not as hot and not as hairy and not as sexy? Hmm...

Lindsay Lohan

Here is what I know about Lindsay Lohan...Fire Crotch, alkie, druggie, spoiled hollywood princess. Really, that's all I know, I never saw her movies, I think she had a song I liked. Well tonight I rented Georgia Rule with Jane Fonda, Felicity Huffman and Lindsay, it was really good. Here is where people can really be judgmental, I think of Lindsay as skanky ho (and maybe she is) but as an actress, she is really good. Oh, and I will lose my gay card over this...but she's hot! I think it's her husky voice. For my first "exposure" to Lindsay, I can just say...what a waste, really I hope she gets it together. Not like Brittany who has no talent and lets just let that mess go, I hope Lindsay gets the help she needs. Ok, kinda of a weird post...but felt it had to be said. ;-) peace

Queer Eye?

Is this show still on? I'm flipping and I see the Season Premiere! A Man Pageant? Hmm....straight guys in a pageant but still looking hot. I guess this is the last season of Queer Eye, dang...I missed so much because I thought it was cool like 3 years ago, when I thought it ended. ;-) peace!
Oh...and here is something pretty, 'cause it's been awhile!

Fit in

"Sometimes you have to create that which you wish to be a part of."

quote was used by a senior exec today. It made me thing of Da Capo and reminded me that the creation/catalyst part is VERY challenging. It is far easier to just plug into an existing system, business, job, etc..

Price

Everything worth doing has a cost.
Everything has a cost.
The trick is to do the stuff worth doing without incurring more cost than you can manage.
How do you decide what is worth doing versus what is "fluff"?

In the business world, decisions are actually pretty easy if you manage well. Cost vs benefit is a pretty clear answer when it comes to investing.

In the "family" world, particularly the arts world, it is not so easy to make calls. We are starting something new, there is an adoption curve, and a window where it takes time to get established. How long is it? Our goal is to increase volume of work and value to the "world", not to increase profit.

When you can't cut costs any more, it is time to increase revenue or cash inflow. time to raise money any way we can. Even that plan has a price. Give up control, spread the load.. but NEVER compromise the education & experiences we provide.

Do one good deed...

...I personally try everyday to do ONE good act of kindness. Obviously I hope I do more, but I consciously try and do at least one. Whether that be letting someone in front of me in traffic, if I'm grocery store shopping and I have a lot but the person behind me just has a bottle of water, I let them go through. Really, just one thing a day. I try, sometimes I do two! Sometimes I forget until I say my prayers and then I'm like, shit!
So that's why I really like these commercials. I know nothing about the company but I like the message the commercial sends. I think it's important, I mean when is the last time you witnessed a random act of kindness? It would be nice if the world was really this way, well I think it might be...it could be. ;-) peace

Part 1


Part 2

Enough

The music is enough, or it should be if you are a musician. I have been reflecting over the competition experience a bit in the last few days. Okay, truthfully, I couldn't sleep last night and this is a summary of what I was thinking about until about 2am...

As a musician, I spent most of my formative years trying to please the other musicians around me. I am a pleaser, I know that... I needed to do it good enough. I needed to always be better. The equation here is not totally wrong for me now. I understand that I do need to continually strive for excellence, continually try to improve myself, my knowledge, and my skills. However, I do not do all of that because of others. I do it because I have been given a blessing by God and I am obligated to use and share my talents. The music and the intersection it provides between performer, composer, audience and source is worthy of this attention and diligence.

Charles' wonderful quote about the Artist Experience resounds in my mind over and over again.

“Artists are interested in expressing the human condition. They are interested in all of life. As an art form, classical music explores every facet of the human condition: pain, passions, conflict, disappointments, as well as love, joy, peace, self-control, and much more. As music gives a broad picture of human experience, it provides a tremendous gift to the church. It shows something of the need for God in daily life outside the church’s walls. It also speaks of the presence of God wherever we find ourselves.”
The Artists’ Perspective--Dr. Charles Hulin IV

As I drove into work this morning, I was amazed at the beauty of simple songs which I had long ago stopped listening too. My interest in musical study has been renewed in the past months, my confidence restored. I pray that I may maintain this sense of purpose and that the music will be enough.

===========================

Psalm 8 (New International Version)

O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens.

From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise because of your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger.

When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?

You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor.

You made him ruler over the works of your hands; you put everything under his feet:
all flocks and herds, and the beasts of the field, the birds of the air, and the fish of the sea, all that swim the paths of the seas.

O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!