X-MAS is over!

Thank goodness, now we just have to get New Years out of the way and the new year begins. For Christmas all my relatives went down to my Grandma's on the rez and I stayed here in Rapid and cleaned my apartmetnt, no, it wasn't sad or lonely, if anything I was quite proud of getting a lot done. I had to borrow my aunts vacuum but I finally got it all done. Other than that NOT A DAMN thing going on, although I did see this one guy out last night who looked so famiiar to me, yet...I was also kind of scared of him. It was like a bad de ja vu and he kept looking at me and I kept looking away because I didn't want him to come and talk to me, weird. He was good looking though.
Heres some A&F hotties...
late

Treehouse Saga

I don't have enough to do on the weekends... yeah right! AND...my dad and I have been promising the kids a treehouse for as long as I can remember.

Soooo the project began on 11/19 with the beams. It will be a hybrid treehouse/playset for the kids with swings, slides, climbing ramp, ladder.. maybe even a trap door.. Cool thing about a treehouse is that you have to custom build it.. no two are the same. Kind of like relationships between people.

This is a lot of fun. A lot of work.. but that is okay.

Pictures of the SAGA-- click here

Update:11/28 -- Thanks to help from a friend, and from Tracee... I have finished the floor of the tree house and all of the swing sets... We now have 4 swings, a disc swing and a ring/climbing bar.. VERY COOL... I'll add some updated pics to the website when I get a few minutes. I have spent a lot of time working in the last few days...Even working by yourself can be therapeutic. I feel better when I can accomplish something and then see the tangible results. I am not like that all the time, but sometimes it does help to be able to say "I did that"

Update: 12/12 -- Thanks to John K, Dad, John M, and Ernie.. The walls are up, though I am not current on the pictures yet.. Cold and wet outside.. but building is fun.. just a lot of work..

Update: 12/24 -- Mom and Dad came up for Christmas and Dad and I worked most of Thurs and Friday... Despite my compressor failure, the snail's pace of amateur builders, and tons of mistakes, the final product is coming along quite nicely. Walls are all up, and hopefully, the trim will be complete by the time we quit today. Next steps: slide assembly, trap door build, roof framing, roofing, (need help on that...

Update: 12/26 -- We went out to breakfast this morning to the River City Diner.. and then back to the "grind".. Dad and I began building the slide.. the theme here is bolts, bolts, bolts, bolts, and then more bolts thrown in with a few lag screws.. I am talking a lot of bolts.. for real. Slide is now done, and I custom built the platform and supports. The slide base is about 6 inches higher than I would like, but when I put in all of the mulch that will fix that. Last night, I build a model of the oblong shape to play around with different roof designs... Note to self.. next time having at least two parallel walls would have been a LOT EASIER for roofing... I am proud of this thing now... It is officially kid safe, and everyone seems to love it.. I'll put the roof frame on this week sometime, or now.. depends on what we decide to do...

Mature

It doesn't mean old.. it doesn't mean experienced. It means that you are comfortable with who you are, and you don't feel the need to prove yourself to those around you. The closest parallel I could come up with is the idea of "tenure" in the university systems. The difference is of course, that tenure is "bestowed" by peers and committees. Maturity is earned privately through hundreds of successes and failures. People in my life contribute, but ultimately the growth is up to me.

On Stargate SG1, they talk about "ascension" as a concept of moving past a need for a physical body. In my mind, that is similar to my line of thinking. Maturity doesn't mean that I don't care about others around me, or what they think. It simply means that how they feel and think of me, doesn't drive my happiness. It isn't the focus of my actions in the world.

When I am finally comfortable with myself, I can make the "choice" to help others. I can choose to spread the Gospel, not because others think I should, but because I see it as the calling for my life. I sing, not for glory, but simply because it is who I am and what I do.

I want those around me to like me, but I don't NEED it...

MATURE:
1. Having reached full natural growth or development: a mature cell.
2. Having reached a desired or final condition; ripe: a mature cheese.
Of, relating to, or characteristic of full development, either mental or physical: mature for her age.
3. Suitable or intended for adults: mature subject matter.
Composed of adults: a mature audience.
4. Worked out fully by the mind; considered: a mature plan of action.Having reached the limit of its time; due: a mature bond.
5. No longer subject to great expansion or development. Used of an industry, a market, or a product.
6. Geology. Having reached maximum development of form. Used of streams and landforms.
Source: The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition
Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company.
Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

Rapid City Night Life...

...I'm tired of it. Well two more days and then it's Christmas and then it's New Years and then finally...spring rolls around. Was slow in the office today, I got a lot done though. Most people are out with their families are travelling to their families *sigh*. I will most likely go home and take a nap. I may go out tonight, but I'm so sick of downtown Rapid City, it's like *shiver* just tired. There are 10 bars/clubs down town ALL with in a 3 block walking area. Murphys-Irish "themed" bar, I don't care for it, reminds me of a Chilis the way it's set up. St. Joes Pub-rocker/punker/goth or just whatever bar. The Brass Rail (my hang out), little neighborhood bar...kind of like the official unofficial "gay" bar of Rapid City. Paddy's-lounge in the lobby of the Hotel Alex Johnson, it's ok, I don't like the crowd that goes there, kind of uppity. The Big Kahuna...mmm...it's allright, they have big couches you can sit on which I kind of like and sometimes they show video's on the wall. The Firehouse, more of an eatery but great beer! Fatty's- dance club which I CAN NOT STAND! ugh! same people every week. Now when you have a little neighborhood bar and it's the same 10 people each week, those are regulars. If you have 300 of the same people each week, that's just tired.
Philly's, lounge at the Radisson, good live music. Finally Woody's-the biggest club in town but not the busiest. So that's it, those are my choices.
Well I must be going, I would wait until 5:01 to blog! but time to go!
Here is Frederic Michalak again, the hot french rugby player. Enjoy!

Wow...almost Christmas

I will be doing nothing, just like Thanksgiving! Well except I don't have to study this holiday. Nothing new going on, it's quiet here at work today, everyone off with their families for the holidays *sigh*. Here's some more players from Dieux du Stade! Enjoy, peace out!


Bath anyone??!!



This guys name is Romain Collinet...gorgeous!!

I got him...

...the mouse is trapped and gone!! I won't say how, let's just say IF that was my only mouse then I am now mouse free. Thank goodness!! I caught him this morning before work. Ugh! I'm so ready to go back to California, at least my roomie will have a cat! Albeit a gay cat, but still a cat!!
Nothing much else to report, thinking of revamping this blog a bit. Until then enjoy
Frederic Michalak...a gorgeous French Rugby Team player...look for more coming up of all the members of the Dieux du Stade (french team).
Late!

Yawn...

...what a lazy day. I got a lot done at work but now I feel lost because it's 5pm, and I can go home. No staying late to study, no staying late to make up time when I'm at school. I get to home, like a normal person...kinda. I don't know what to do with myself! Well I'm actually going to apply for a server position tomorrow and make some extra cash and occupy my time. So that's it for today, I'm going to try and blog each day...I know I said I would when I started but come on, I live in South Dakota, not a whole lot talk about! and yet more Joseph Sayers or JS ;-)Later!

Ok, it's done...

...school is over, that's it. So what did I do? I MISSED THE LAST TEST OF MY LAST CLASS OF THE SEMESTER on Friday! I couldn't believe it, I studied my ass for that exam, I set the alarm clock on my cell phone, I went to bed early. I woke up with twenty minutes to get there, my class is 51 miles away. Wasn't going to happen. I felt sick the whole day, it was horrible. I haven't even emailed my profressor...what I'm going to say? Although friends have given me plenty of excuses, but I don't want to lie. So I'm hoping that my grade was strong enough, so that the 100 points I missed out on, will not be to detrimental to me in the long run. International Business was a breeze this semester, now my Math class is kind of still going. Based on a test I took, if I pass it, I get an extension until 1/6/06 if I didn't, I'll be taking an incomplete for the class (it's an internet class). So other than that, life is good. I'm glad school is over and I can breathe a bit now. Miss Mantoan and I are so anxious for the condo that we are hoping to get in March! I'm so looking forward to it, she's kind of a technofile so we'll have all the good stuff like cable and wireless internet and such.
It's going to be way better than here! So the other morning I get up and wander into the kitchen to get something to drink when I see this little furry head pop out of the pot on the stove, a mouse! He kind of looked at me, and I kind of looked at him and then he just went down through the burners. Once my heart came back down to an acceptable level. I freaked the f*ck out! I was like, OH HELLZ NAW! I am NOT living with vermin! So now I have traps all over the kitchen, I think he lives in my oven to be honest. I just can't live with a mouse, I want to catch him, I NEED to see a body...I must have closure. During the spring and fall I had hornets/yellowjackets/wasps whatever you want to call them, just pop out of my walls in my apartment and I couldn't figure out where they were coming from, I have storm windows but never left them open. I think they live in the walls, with the mice. Ugh! I soooo am ready to go back to Cali now.
A couple more pics of Joseph Sayers! Enjoy!

Wires, wires everywhere

I have concerts this weekend with solo singing, so working outside is not a good plan. Air is just cold enough to turn my slight cold into something serious. sooooo working inside is the game.

After 9 months of looking at a huge box of wires accumulated from our move(in my office of course), I finally decided to organize and trash. I ended up with 4 major areas. Ethernet cables, Stereo cables(RCA and speaker), power cables, USB stuff and then the last and biggest box was the TRASH.

It was so hard to throw away those old serial connectors, ADB extension, SCSI, etc..but realizing that I haven't looked at these things in years..I didn't even know they were there, and I don't have any systems that use any of that stuff anymore. It was strangely therapeutic to move on.

That thought has been recurring this week. We have done lot of new things, in our new home, in our new neighborhood, with new people. We love the old people, but not all of those connections are sustainable without current context. Without a working usable system of interactions, the old connections weigh me down. It is best to let them go and move forward. Easier said than done...and the disconnect order/threshold is very difficult to see. It takes a long time to actually accept the change and move forward.

It feels like I have been in "transition" for too long. Lord, thank you for being patient with me as I grow, make mistakes, fail, and even sometimes succeed. All of those things impact me positively if I look at them through the right lens.

I know there is a plan for me. My soul doth magnify the Lord.

Good enough

When are thing good enough? Our culture seems to glorify mediocrity. We give standing ovations to every performance these days. Who is setting the standards? I know that my Juilliard/WCC background sets me up to deal with unreasonable expectations.. I do expect higher standards of myself than others. I do think that it is worthy to always find something you could have done better even in success. I have had numerous teachers tell me that the day I decide I am "good enough" is the day that my growth as a musician stops. There is something here. I want to be a lifelong learner, who strives to perform better at every opportunity. Some performances/presentations go better than others, but the crux is about my personal perspective.

I am good enough for now, but I can never be good enough forever. That doesn't keep me from trying though...

Finally...

...school is almost done. I think I did quite well this semester, considering how much I missed because of the gas situation. Oh that reminds me, my car no longer has 5th gear, slips out of 1st and 2nd all the time and 3rd is beginning to "buzz". 4th is my solid gear AND ironically, 4 is my luck number, I'm just saying...
Nothing new to report, going to look for a second job soon so I can save up and get the hell out of here and back to the self indulgent lifestyle I so badly miss!!
Oooh, gotta go, hot copy machine repair man just walked in!

Making a difference

November stretches into December.. Christmas is upon me and I wonder if I make a difference in my world. What is special about each of us? so special that God would come down into the world as a man, live as us, among us, and then sacrifice himself for all. The story is so fantastic. The idea that one man can and did make a difference for the rest of us. My world teaches me to rely on myself, and people that I can count on. Yet, even with all I can do, I so often accomplish so little. My existence, is serial, a sequence of events bound by a finite number of interactions with others.

Today, I was amazed and moved by a simple song about Christmas shoes... the song itself a bit tacky, too sensationalist, too emotional.. yet, I was touched in a profound way on the way to work, breaking down in tears. This is VERY uncharacteristic for me. Simply hearing the song colored the remainder of my day.

When I got home from work, I watched the last 30-40 minutes of "The Return of the King".. Frodo epitomizes the struggle of the unknown and the idea that one, with faith, and the support of a fellowship can make a difference.

I go through my days like everyone else.. I do what I do.. playing my many roles. I have gotten better at linking my worlds. Sometimes I am a singer, sometimes a conductor, sometimes a teacher, sometimes a manager, sometimes a technogeek, sometimes a carpenter, sometimes a husband, sometimes a father, always a child seeking to see and remain on the path. My journey progresses a day at a time and no matter who I am today, my actions define me..

I am not special. I seek to love those around me. Sometimes I am better at it than others. When I am judged..as we all will be someday.. I pray that I was true to my calling. I use music and technology to touch those around me. I can make a difference, but only when I give up my sense of self and replace it with humility and service. I use my skills and gifts wherever and whenever I am provided the opportunity. I shouldn't seek praise and recognition but I do... My passions and actions are so easily led astray.. Lord, help me to remain in you.


I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5

How I found Joseph Sayers

AND wow is he gorgeous! I heard there were "naughty pictures" of him out there and I'm just wondering why he would have those done when obviously his career is taking off? Well maybe it was before he made it big, but man...he's hot!
These are some of his professional pics. Click the link UPDATE: Sorry link is no longer valid and his profile has been taken off the site. (Joseph Sayers)to read the article on how Joseph got his start!