Identity vs Outcome

Returning to the grind of the corporate machine today, it dawned on me
that I am a very different person from the perception of those around
me... Only this year, have I begun to be honest about my thoughts and
ideas, and yes my "identity". In the past, I was afraid that allowing
my musical career to become public at work would somehow undermine my
credibility as a technologist. Focusing on my relationship with God
and the importance of church and ministry is another thing, very
difficult to deal with in the secular "corporate" world. I don't
always act in the same manner at work that I would have in other
environments.. I have to believe that I am not alone here... Am I
simply searching for an excuse, maybe.. but I think I am pretty much
right down the middle with this being honest to myself and others idea.

When we deny our self ... Is this the problem? Is there a way to share
more of who we are without compromising who people think we are? People
as a whole, jump to judgment all too quickly.. I know.. I do it too.
The ethics of manipulating who people think we are seems wrong, but we
all do it every day on some level... we play our parts... We do the
right thing.. but the right thing is not always so clear is it... A
business is not a church, it is not a charity... It is a job, and we
owe our company. We fulfill our part of the contract and it pays us.
This is good thing, or at least it is not an evil thing. An honest
approach to work, for wages, is appropriate. But, we must get better
at being honest with the people around us. We must be more authentic in
linking our public lives with our private lives... Relationships with
people are the key to success.. that hasn't changed, no matter how much
"machine/system" we inject into our world. People are paramount. I need
to learn to better appreciate diversity of thoughts and beliefs... and
find a way to tie this back to my intense and passionate faith.. There
has to be a way to be more inclusive, without compromising personal
integrity and judgement... or maybe not.....

We set up a wall, a communication barrier, when we aren't honest one
another... This "play acting" is what we all publicly despise and
ridicule, yet we each "feed the beast" each time we buy into the idea
that we are somehow better or worse than others around us...We somehow
try to convince ourselves that we are better than the guy who lost his
job, who got laid off, who didn't get his deliverable completed... I
buy into this line of thinking on most levels.. Some people have it and
others don't.. seems to almost be the American way...it is so easy to
say and think this... The work, the outcome, is the great equalizer...
Some people do get more done than others.. some people can do more
than others.. we are compensated for our contribution and something
tells me that this is ultimately fair, and ultimately flawed.

I seem to have painted myself into a corner here.. and this line of
thinking, justifying value by contribution seems inherently man made...

God loves us for who we are, not what we do. We love our children in
that same way, for who they are, often despite what they do... We are
proud, we want them to be the best, to have the best.. but what is the
best..

Ahhh, now that is something for another day... Stay tuned same bat
time, same bat channel.. you know the rest.. :)

Topic for the future: What is the best? What does it mean to be the
best, versus doing your best? Which is more valuable? Does it even
matter in the grand scheme of things? Okay, okay.. now I am definitely
ranting..

Auditions

When a singer auditions for another
person a lot of things go through the mind.

How important am I, How good am I?

What do I have to offer this person(conductor, listener, judge)?

What do I expect to gain from this? best case... worst case...

How good is good enough?

The answers to these questions are central to a professional singer's
life. The most interesting thing for me today, is that the answers
apply no matter a a person's role. When we are certain in who we are
and what our role/position is.. all of the difficult things in life,
become so much easier... We have a reason to get up in the morning, we
are able to plan and actually execute/accomplish things in our earthly
domain. I sang today for a conductor in whom I now have a lot of
respect. He listened, was warm and courteous, and no matter what he
actually thought of my "performance", he was appreciative of my time,
as I was of his. We each audition for everyone around us, all day,
every day. The best part of my audtion today, was that I was
comfortable and he was comfortable. We were getting to know one
another...

It seems to me that whenever possible, the relationship and context
are paramount, and must always precede the judgment part of our
personalities. I know that talk is cheap, and that we do all tend to
judge each other, figure out the pecking order, and then tailor our
communication accordingly. This is the REAL world, but I have to
believe that in order to better ourselves, we must seek out a new
path, a new approach. The system we live in, loves to create castes.
Even when those castes are not mandated by law, we as humans give them
credibility by supporting them subconsciously. For change to occur,
energy must be spent. Each person must make take action. If we
remain, passive and refuse to embrace change, the one thing we can be
certain of is that nothing will change. A new world, starts with
understanding a vision linked with our mission. We make decisions
every day in how we treat one another, how we judge, who we talk or
don't talk with.. Maybe we should be begin to approach our daily life
audition focusing more on what we have to offer, and less about what
we expect to get. This perception and action approach is certainly
different from today, but it can happen. It only takes patience and
time. Lets think of a new "vision" for a second.... just imagine....
some new paradigms.

We are all valuable, each to his own ideal, skill, approach. Clearly,
we have different things to offer, but in the grand scheme, we all do
need each other. We are all part of a body, or a constantly changing
story, not a machine. When we meet a new person, our first reaction
is to treat them as the most important person in our life. We
sometimes extend our relationships and "hire" one another to do work,
but even that exchange is based on the search for diversity, not on
judging... We are not "better" than one another, we simply are
different. We embrace our diversity, and we celebrate that God makes
each of us special and unique.

Strangely, I don't think this idea is new... it is an old thought,
just one that we have interpreted, and manipulated so much that it is
virtually unrecognizable.

My scripture passage for this post.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they
will be filled.

Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for
theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you and utter all
kinds of evil against you falsely on my account.

Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for in the
same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

You are the salt of the earth; but if salt has lost its taste, how can
its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything, but is
thrown out and trampled under foot.

“You are the light of the world. A city built on a hill cannot be hid.

No one after lighting a lamp puts it under the bushel basket, but on
the lampstand, and it gives light to all in the house.

In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may
see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.

Matthew 5:3-16