Absolutely Nothing to say...

...really. The Olympics are over and I miss them, for 16 days we had a very casual relationship and now I just feel lost without them. On the other hand, when my friend gets back from the field, we plan on taking Yoga at the Y and work our way up to Pilates. My future roommate is totally exhausting me. In addition to being female with a surgery on the way and her mom resenting her for it as well as the rest of her "fluffy" gang, she is feeling unwanted where she currently lives. Miss Mantoan has a lot on her plate and I feel for her, on the other hand I think she's stressing herself out. Then again, nothing really bothers me, maybe it's because I've been in South Dakota for a year and a half? Naw....I try and make a conscious decision to not get stressed out, I mean why bother? At the most we have a couple of months before our condo is ready, if that falls through we can find something else. It's really that simple. Although if you feel unwanted renting the room of a friend and you get the feeling you're unwanted...well I can understand that also. As time comes closer for my move, maybe I'll feel a bit anxious, but for now, it's so far off...I really just don't see the point. Work is good, school is good, that's about all I have going on for me. Oh, I did go bowling last Friday, now that was interesting, I found out I'm quite good...ok I'm good...well I can get the ball to the end of the lane! :-)

Today's tidbits are some A&F guys...I read this interesting article about the CEO of A&F...he's um, a bit eccentric...and check out his pic...for being 61...he should have let himself age naturally.




Have a great Tuesday!

Review

For us at Cap One, it is the dreaded annual review time of year. For the last 2 months, the entire world has appeared to focus on what everyone around us thinks. Our corporate culture is built on "feedback". This is a great idea on the surface. It may even be a required element to avoid the unfair treatment of incompetent management(at least legally that is). The downside, is that it doesn't work. I am talking about shades of grey for differences so the process is not worth it.

Personal success is still predicated on subjective assessments of my management. Without the support of a manager, success and grown cannot be achieved. The 360 feedback cycle is so generalized that it becomes largely unimportant. People (myself included) simply can't remember what happened all year. We are lucky if we remember the last month in the fast paced environment of today's corporate world.

The almighty "TEAM" is often talked about and largely unrewarded. Incentive packages and bonuses which attract high performers force an environment where reward comes from personal contribution...Team successes do not translate to personal success. I succeed by taking personal credit. Rewards do not flow all of the way down the chain. This is the way of things in our world.

I think my company is among the best in the world in navigating this necessary human process of ranking and reward distribution. We are not good enough. Hmmmm... That is a puzzle for another day.

I have a good job, for a good company, which allows me generous amounts of family time. I am able to use my vacation time to continue to sing. Someday, I hope to get out of debt...

Maybe reviews are okay. The results rarely match expectations but as I tell the girls all the time. Life is not fair. The sooner you understand this fact, and learn to deal with it; the better off you will be.

Circle of Excellence

My last 24 hours have been spent pondering the concept of excellence. I think a definition for me must include passion tempered with discipline which generates results recognized by both the performer and the audience. The olympians are a classic example but my questions arise, because it is possibly so simple.. Excellence is judged by results. Is a gold medalist..excellent solely by the definition that they have the medal... For me, I think that there is something missing..

A modernist, post industrial revolution reading would say that excellence is generated when a defined set of critera combine to create an output which is then excellent. The post-modernist in me thinks that the end result cannot be the goal. The journey is the key to excellence.

The artist in me reminds the world, that great music is alive, that great performances(the excellent ones) have a life all their own. Performing at the top of my game presents an excellent moment. To participate in circle of excellence, I have to mature my soul, my manner, and be able to encourage and influence others. I must share who I am, and we must by definition succeed together...

Excellence matters... Our world is sorely in need of more Olympians. Excellence is best when shared. I can sing the greatest performance of Nessun Dorma in the world, but if noone listens, there is a loss. A piece of the puzzle is missing.

South Dakota Has It's Own Agenda!

I'm just so embarrassed...really. I mean I knew this was a red state, a conservative state and sometimes...just ass backwards but to do this??! Obviously there is no such thing as a womans right to choose. Regardless of whether you are for or against abortion, it's none of your damn businesss BECAUSE IT'S NOT YOUR CHOICE!! The thing I'm curious about is, where were the protesters? The demonstrators? In California they're outside protesting the weather, but here? I heard nothing, saw nothing. It's like it quietly just happened. This state has only ONE Planned Parenthood, so that should tell you something. *sigh*
via AP...

South Dakota passes abortion ban
Wed Feb 22, 10:06 PM ET

South Dakota became the first U.S. state to pass a law banning abortion in virtually all cases, with the intention of forcing the Supreme Court to reconsider its 1973 decision legalizing the procedure.

The law, which would punish doctors who perform the operation with a five-year prison term and a $5,000 fine, awaits the signature of Republican Gov. Michael Rounds and people on both sides of the issue say he is unlikely to veto it.

"My understanding is we are the first state to truly defy Roe v. Wade," the 1973 high court ruling that granted a constitutional right to abortion, said Kate Looby of Planned Parenthood's South Dakota chapter.

State legislatures in Ohio, Indiana, Georgia, Tennessee and Kentucky also have introduced similar measures this year, but South Dakota's legislative calendar means its law is likely to be enacted first.

"We hope (Rounds) recognizes this for what it is: a political tool and not about the health and safety of the women of South Dakota," Looby said.

"If he chooses to sign it, we will be filing a lawsuit in short order to block it," she said after attending the afternoon debate at the state capital in Pierre.

Proponents have said the law was designed for just such a court challenge.

The timing is right, supporters say, given the recent appointments of Chief Justice John Roberts and Justice Samuel Alito to the high court. The two conservatives could pave the way to a decision overturning Roe v. Wade.

The high court said on Tuesday it will rule on whether the federal government can ban some abortion procedures, a case that could reveal whether the court reshaped by President George W. Bush will restrict abortion rights.

In 1992, the Supreme Court reaffirmed the right to abortion in Planned Parenthood v. Casey, the last direct challenge to Roe v. Wade.

The South Dakota law concludes that life begins at conception based on medical advances over the past three decades.

Proposed amendments to the law to create exceptions to specifically protect the health of the mother, or in cases of rape or incest, were voted down. Also defeated was an amendment to put the proposal in the hands of voters.

The bill as written does make an exception if the fetus dies during a doctor's attempt to save the mother's life.

Planned Parenthood operates the sole clinic in South Dakota where roughly 800 abortions are performed each year by doctors from neighboring Minnesota, Looby said.

Two years ago, Rounds vetoed a similar bill, saying it would wipe out existing restrictions on abortion while it was fought in the courts. A rewritten bill lost narrowly in the state Senate.

Some legislators opposed to abortion rights questioned whether it was premature to challenge Roe v. Wade, and said litigation would prove expensive for the sparsely populated state. An anonymous donor has offered $1 million to the state to defray the costs of litigation.

Misc. rantings

So I'm addicted to the Olympics, I am. What is so sad is that they come on here Primetime at 7pm, so I get off work, go home, cook and crawl into bed at 7pm. Where I stay until they are over at 10:30, watch the news, and crash. What am I going to do when they are over!! I'm so used to it, I haven't been going out, neglecting my homework!! I'm obsessed!
I have never heard of Johnny Weir, he's quite a good skater but SUCH a diva in training. Chad Hedrick's ego is so big, it's a wonder he can even find the strength to skate with that load. I was sad to see Michelle go home and at first I thought Sasha was a beeyatch, but she really trained hard and she's very talented. Bode Miller? Um, ok...where he at?? I've heard his name and then all the hype before the Olympics, but he ain't shown nobody nothing...although he said he hit a rock on his downhill the other day, thus slowing him down and losing. Mm.hm.
I'm not sure what is on tonight, but I think I may go out for a beer with friends because all I want to do is go home and sleep and I need to do something else to shake things up!
Here's a few more pics of the men from the Dieux Du Stade Calendar...*sigh* I'm going to France.


This is probably my favorite picture of the series, just friggin beautiful!!<

Command

Today is President's day and in honor of the great leaders of all time, I thought I would capture my thoughts about what it means to lead. More importantly, what it means to be effective. I just watched an episode of Battlestar Galactica and a comment , Admiral Adama made struck me... "Command is about people, not about the systems"

I have had numerous opportunities to lead in my 35 years, but I have never been in "command" anywhere except in my own family. It strikes me, that to lead my family, I have to completely sacrifice my self for us. From the outside, the onlooker might speculate that command becomes about self, when in reality, the opposite is true. From the inside, the discipline provided by strong leadership is comforting. The leaders' sacrifice seems to be a key factor. Perception of the leader from the outside is generally irrelevant, until it becomes a factor in the population being lead. Politics are important, but they must follow the purity of intention. I am not a scholar of political science, but my amateur view of history reveals a constantly swinging pendulum from the view of the masses to the psychosis of emperors.

Leadership must be bold, it must embrace and seek change, and not fear the volatility of human resistance. It must be build on a foundation of knowledge, strength and unassailable integrity so that when the storms rage, the structure will stand. It must also be self sacrificing, yielding, and willing to accept both success and failure.

Our society is not filled with leaders. It is filled with people. Leaders rise to the top. We all know who they are. Their charisma and personality cannot be taught or faked. Those leaders are not always right, but they remain leaders all the same. They present themselves to the world and they must earn the right to stay king of the hill. The support of the people is critical, but sometimes(not always) those people do need to simply follow and trust.

The opportunity for questioning must always be present. Dissenting views matter. But our world requires leaders. We must make decisions and move forward in unity. Leaders bridge the gap between people and the achievements that we as a society seek. Leaders sacrifice themselves. That sacrifice is real, not like the movies. It is more like that realized in the Mel Gibson's "Passion". The pain is real, but so is the reward.

Am I a leader? I think so. Am I good at it? Only time will tell.

Here are a few closing thoughts bouncing around in my head...

Talk is cheap.
People matter.
Results speak for themselves.
Love is amazing.
Old ways are worth learning.
New ways may be better than the old.(no guarantees, only risk)
Our God is an awesome God, he reigns in heaven above.

Jesus is a leader worth emulating.

Anniversary

Today is the year anniversary of the personnel committee ambush at Branch's. I am past it.. but I'll never be past it. I miss leading others in worship. I miss the regular study and preparation necessary to lead adults as they grow musically and spiritually.

The events of my "review" linger in my mind like a sick nightmare. I trusted those men on the personnel committee. I looked to them for guidance. I didn't agree on many things with them, but we all wanted the best for the church. I trusted Bob to look out for me even though he was an "interim". My pain is linked inextricably to the betrayal and utter disregard of me and my family. I deserved more. We deserved better.

The self serving sickness that runs rampant through our society manifests even stronger in the church. Inside a church, a rash desire for power and control generates the idea that a "goal" can be achieved. The ends cannot justify the means in this case.

I am a hypocrit. I am goal oriented. I like to win. I believe that we should be the best possible. I think that I know best. I expect results in my time, my way, with my plan. That is the curse of a leader. I am as guilty as those who persecuted me. As one of their leaders, I failed to influence them to act as Christ would have. Satan divided us, and destroyed us from within like a cancer. I believed that we all needed to focus on a goal for unity. I missed the key step, that goals are important, but the ministry is in the journey. When I expose myself transparently as a Christian and a leader, I make myself a target. Other Christians will say that I don't do things correctly, and the secular world will say that I don't do enough. It is a vicious cycle that we all must face. I can only pray that I never make the mistake again, and that God will provide another opportunity for the Prillaman's to use our music to bring people closer to God.

I miss so much of my life from a year ago, but I have so much now that I couldn't have even imagined if we had stayed on the old tracks. Today, I am bitter. This post is filled with anger and disgust for those who caused me so much pain. God is gracious and has surrounded me with people who genuinely care about us. I hope that by writing these thoughts down, I can somehow make them pass away. That by voicing my pain and lashing out, I can expel the last bits of the poison that I allowed to invade my life last Spring.

My hope is in the Lord. I seek the wind as my source, not the strength and power of my own wings. I believe.

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:28-31

Viewpoint

I had LASIK done on both of my eyes last week. For me this was a life altering event. I do not have the words to properly express the magnitude of the change, yet to the majority of my friends, coworkers, etc.. I appear the same to them. I have worn contacts for 25 years...so they don't see the change, but for me, everything is changed.

My viewpoint on the world is now altered forever, yet I appear the same to others. That is a profound statement for me that resonates with thoughts around faith and ministry in so many areas. When I became a Christian so long ago, the same thing happened. I am not sure my 6 yr old persona really fully understood it, but the simple act of declaration was enough. The growth part has come after all of that.

My faith and belief system are now and must remain rooted in my experience, knowledge and most of all in my personal relationship with God. Those around me cannot see the difference in me, unless I act and show them. I cannot tell them, because the words simply don't have enough power to explain the intensity of love, passion, and hope. When James talked of faith requiring works.. I think this is what he is after...He speaks often of viewpoint and intention as do so many of the scriptures...

To sum it up in "Jeff-speak" TALK IS CHEAP


James 1:22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it — he will be blessed in what he does. James 1:22-25